Not of My Making #2April 3, 2009
Wow! What an honor to read about Dr. Jones’ journey. I wish I had time tonight to write more about how this book is hitting me. I am honored to have been asked to read it and review it. It is an amazing story written by a pretty amazing woman.
I see so much of myself in this story. I see some of my own feelings and thoughts and ways of attempting to handle things in those pages. Yes, the details were different, but the pain was not. The dynamics were not. Sadly, the results were not, either…although I can see how we have both grown so much through our experiences. (Not that I would wish on ANYone having to grow in the ways I did…and I am sure she would say the same about her experiences.)
As she processes and works through the things that have happened to her, she discovers information about the dynamics of dysfunctional relationships…and she shares that in the book, too. I find that to be most helpful. I really appreciate reading information that helps me to put some of my own experiences into perspective…to have my own understanding of what went on with me confirmed and added to.
I am about three fourths of the way through the book. It has held my attention. I like her politically incorrect writing style. She tells it like she sees it and even shows her own weaker side. She does not just paint others as bad and her as good. She seems to really try to be very open about her own mistakes.
There are times when I find myself wanting to cry as I read about what happened. There are other times, as I see her about to embark on something that she thinks will finally bring resolution, when I find myself thinking “Oh, no! That won’t work…don’t try it!” (Been there, done that!) It is like I can see what is coming, making it even more difficult to read it.
Other times, I am cheering her on when I see her taking steps toward separation of her identity and theirs…as I see her recognizing what an unhealthy tangled web she has been caught up in…and as I see her recognizing that it is not all her, as she fights all the old messages she got growing up.
One thing I did not know about was her struggle as a self injurer. Although I am not an overt self injurer, I have my own stuff that calls to me. I find that I, too, can slip into the old ways of thinking and feeling and perceiving the world around me…the old ways of coping. I am drawn into her struggle to stay away from those dangerous places.
As I think of some of the things that I have been through…bullying and abuses…I find myself joining with Margaret Jones in hoping and praying that it won’t happen to someone else. Of course, I know it will. Still, I can try to be as open as I can about my own experiences and hope to bring about changes.
Well, so much for not writing much due to the lateness of the hour. Can you tell I am into this book? Actually, I am into anyone who can be willing to be so transparent. Way to go, Margaret!!