4060 Mind Meld
For more art, got to my Survivor’s Healing Art blog…link in the right sidebar.
4060 Mind Meld
For more art, got to my Survivor’s Healing Art blog…link in the right sidebar.
The latest pieces I have been putting up have to do with a therapist I worked with for a short time online. I had met him in person, but later, when I started to actually work with him a bit, he was different from what I remembered. I am grateful that he did give me back one thing…my art.
Because of my living situation…a situation that still exists, I was not able to do art. He told me about doing collages in MSWord. I am SO grateful for that. However, then what happened between him and I devastated my system and kind of messed us up. This latest batch of art reflects that.
In addition, I had been accessed by my local therapist and that was just starting to come out…another factor in things. That accessing is reflected in the some of the other pieces I recently put up…the ones tagged RM. Of the three therapists with whom I had negative experiences…thankfully, only one was actually my therapist. One I knew from her forum, KB. One I worked with a bit online and on the phone, JM. One was in person local, RM. I had left KB’s forum in ‘o5. I had met JM in person in ’05. I saw RM in the last quarter of ’06…during which time I dissociated his accessing me. Then I worked with JM a bit online and by phone in ’07…during which time the memories of the accessing started to surface.
It took another local therapist…one with no SRA client experience to help me work through the accessing and to break the hold JM had on me. I kept trying to break it off with JM, but every email he sent to me had a hook in it that I felt I had to reply to. Kind of like KB. I tried to work things out with her, but she was really good with the hooks.
So, the latest pieces are processing RM and JM. RM is cult. JM…well, let’s just say that there are some inside who believed at the time that he most likely was. Either that or he just got one heck of an ego thing going and it affected his ability to really hear people. I don’t know.
I really miss meeting with a therapist, but unless I could get back to my CA therapist, I don’t know that I could trust an SRA client experienced one again. Someone I really trust would have to recommend him/her…preferably her. And it would have to be a follower of Yeshua/Jesus…not a religious person…but a real disciple…even though two of these three therapists were “Christian” and the third said she went to church.
In the meantime, I have what my CA therapist used to call my “real therapist”…the Holy Spirit. He has guided me in many ways in my healing…and He still does.
You can find the information for the next Expressive Arts Carnival…#8…here: Expressive Arts Carnival #8. I hope you will consider entering something. It is open to anyone and, if you look at the stuff on my art blog…clearly, talent is not necessary! This is about healing and working through survivor issues. Come join us!
I recently bought myself a sketch book, hoping to get back into doing physical pieces. As I thought about what I might like to do, I realized two things. One is that I was running out of time. The other was that I have several pieces that could be considered self-portraits. So, I really needed to look at the ones I had to see if I felt that any of them was something I wanted to submit to this carnival.
The piece I chose was actually part of a set. The set starts here with the Main System Collage. Then there is a subset series of collages that represent different aspects of myself. The last collage in the series is called “Woman With Dreams”. I chose this one for the Carnival because of what it expresses: hope. I have notes for each one except this one. I wonder if that is because dreams are always changing on some level and I did not want to lock into anything? Whatever my dreams are for my life, at any given moment, I believe they may be reflected on some level within this collage.
I came here to write about going slow…or not. Lo and behold, Paul left a comment on a previous post about that very thing!
In the post, I mentioned all the things on my plate…all the things that I am trying to do and that contribute to my feeling overwhelmed. One of those things is putting my artwork up on my art blog. I mean…hey…it was what…last July(?) that I did the Webinar. It is about time I finish getting them up. Of course, it is not that I have been slacking. I have not had access to my laptop or my photo software for several months. So, now is “catch-up” time.
My goal is within a month. However, this is very challenging. Some of it is the practical stuff of prepping things for upload. Although, thankfully, I did get a lot of that done before I lost the use of my laptop. But there is more to it than that.
Each piece I upload, I am reviewing. I am, on some level, revisiting the piece…what it was about…the reason I did it…what I hoped to accomplish. And yes, sometimes I revisit the pain. Oh, it may not even be conscious. Sometimes it manifests as just an “unsettled feeling”.
There is a lot that I have had to “put aside” for the last few years because of our living situation. I have had to keep on doing life with unresolved pain inside. I have been told that I am “shut down” inside…and I believe that to be the case. But when I look at my art…it is as if I am “unshutting” down. Between the art and the potential move…which may actually happen within a month (we are not sure, yet)…there is, I think, the beginning of an awakening.
I don’t know what the move will bring, but there is a lot of potential for stuffed things…and a shut down system…to start popping up…and out. The last thing I dealt with before moving here…or actually as I was moving here and immediately afterward…was all the junk that KB and her client wrought in my life. Yeah…the KB who is, hopefully, getting her license permanently revoked…forever…and ever…and ever!
Some of this art work deals with her. Or with another therapist I did some online/phone work with around the same time. And then there is the therapist I tried to get help from after we moved here. Ugh! All three are in some of my artwork. With two of them…KB and RM…it was all bad. With one…JM…it was a mix. JM at least gave me my art back by telling me how to do it on my PC. For that I am grateful…even though he caused a lot of disruption in my system with his arrogance.
So…on the one hand, I need to give myself the time to upload the pieces without being overly affected. On the other hand, I really want to finish getting them up…and rearranged into date order. I will probably always be affected…at least on some level. I guess the question is…are the effects manageable? Can I work with them…and through them?
I have always been a fighter. I hate to quit anything…although I have learned to do so. At this point, I guess I will just keep plugging along as best I can. And…heaven forbid…if I need to…I will slow down. I do take breaks when I need to…which is, at least, a good thing.
I love the Expressive Arts Carnivals that Paul at Mind Parts has been doing. Carnival number 5 has just been posted and what an excellent group of art pieces it contains! Kudos to my fellow survivors who have been working so hard on their healing and on doing pieces for the carnivals.
This one had to do with walls. We were to “Draw a wall using any medium, and show what is on one or both sides. Please also write a couple of sentences saying what the process was like for you.” If you have not already done so, I encourage you to go check it out! I know that I have been very blessed by being able to see what others are doing.
Expressive Arts Carnival Number 6 is also coming up. These carnivals are open to anyone who wants to participate. Please, consider submitting a piece of your own! I know I look forward to seeing it.
A webinar is an online seminar. Instead of going to a physical place, you sign in to an online site…from the comfort of your own home. That is nice because you don’t have to be concerned about traffic or getting there on time. You also get to have handy whatever you need to help you keep grounded…or to get grounded if something in the webinar triggers you. All those who are signed up will receive an email with the site address and the log in. Via that site, you get to watch the slides used by the presenter.
A second email invites everyone to the webinar conference call. The email includes a phone number with a sign in code. That connects everyone in a single call. Those listening mute their phones while the presenter is speaking to cut down on background noise. There are times given for feedback or questions. Most presenting sites also have call in or microphone capability. Not each site is equal in its quality or features, though. Therefore, Survivorship has chosen to use one site’s call-in software and another site’s presenting software.
So, you receive two emails…one with the call-in information and one with the link for the log-in to see the slides. It is a very interesting experience. Oh…and another thing. There is a side chat window for those who have difficult with speaking on the phone. It is possible to ask the presenter questions there.
I am thinking of going through my art blog and putting my art pieces in date order. That means that I will be inserting some of them. When I do, though, I will post here with the links so that people can find the new ones. Actually, what I will probably do is post them in the current and then change the posting date to get them in order. I don’t know. Do I sound confused? *laughing*
Anyway, I put up another piece of art and some poems. 1730 — Betrayed
I wonder of I should put my poems in date order? Any thoughts?
OK…the other theme was driving me nuts. I could not get the background light enough without washing out some of the text…and I could not adjust the color of the text. So…I am trying this one out for a while. It is called “Neat”. I don’t really have time to mess with themes any more right now.
On other lines of thought…I started a poetry blog. It has a real original title…NOT! But at least I am pretty consistent! A Survivor’s Poetry. You can either click on the link here or you can find the link at the top of the RSS blog links in the right hand column. I can appreciate that there are some who might only want to read poetry…or only look at art…so, I made a blog for each.
My computer goes back soon. I don’t really like it, but I also don’t like the idea that I might not be to get it turned on one of these days. *sigh* I don’t know if they will fix it or not. One guy told me they will send a check for sure. Another guy said the first guy had no right to say that…that they might be able to fix it…or send an entirely different PC. I don’t mind fixing…but I am not thrilled with a different PC unless it is the same kind or better.
I am tired. I am grieving. This grieving has to do with my ex. Not that I am grieving him…but as I see his family on FB interacting with my first marriage sons…well…I am just so aware of losing not just a spouse…but a whole family. I know it had to be…in my head. But in my heart…it is another story. There is a part of me who wants to say “hello”, but I was so vilified and lied about that I don’t really dare. I have regained some connections…partially…but not all…which is actually probably a good thing.
I am continuing to work on getting my art into jpeg format. The motivation is the Webinar I am doing in August. But this is also good for me…to have all my pieces sorted through and categorized and numbered. The Webinar is being done by Survivorship. I will put a link in the sidebar. The Webinars are being done as a community service and also to raise funds for ongoing Survivorship services.
As for my parents…still no word. Such is life.
I put my first piece of artwork up on my Healing Art Blog. Not that it is my first piece of art ever…just the first healing art piece that I am putting up. I hope to add more pieces over time.
I am uncertain whether to simply put them up and let them stand-alone. Or…to add notes to them. I could share mediums and methodology. I could share what was going on inside when I did them (if I remember, that is). I could share what I was hoping to accomplish and anything else that comes to mind. Or…I can just let them stand-alone.
I could really use some feedback on that.
In the sidebar on the right is the link to my Healing Art blog…if anyone is interested. I am thinking of starting one with poetry, too. Any thoughts on that? Any interest?