I am not really sure what healing looks like. I think it is different for each person. After years of looking at it, I still don’t have a solid definition, but I can share with you some things that sure look like healing for me.
Healing is being able to laugh…even in the midst of pain.
Healing is being able to cry…even when others are around.
Healing is being able to somewhat identify what I am feeling,
and hopefully…even being able to have an idea of WHY I am feeling it.
Healing is knowing when I need to decompress,
being able to identify safe places to decompress,
and then…doing it.
Healing is being able to sense whether a person or place is safe
And then being able to keep myself safe.
Healing is being able to find joy in life.
Healing is being able to see good things…even when bad things are happening.
Healing is being able to have gratitude for what I do have
rather than bemoaning what I don’t.
Healing is being able to be productive in some way every day
even if I am the only one who recognizes it.
Healing is being able to take a step forward,
no matter how tiny
and even if it is only in my heart.
Healing is being able to face some aspect of my past…without completely crumbling.
Healing is being able to recognize that some part of my history,
no matter how small or big,
no longer has a hold on me.
Healing is being able to make plans…and know that they might actually happen!
Healing is being able to say that I made it through
another body memory,
Healing is having the freedom to fully unleash my creativity and
play music again,
Healing is being able to give without manipulation
and receive without manipulation
even more importantly… recognizing the difference.
Healing is being to allow myself to truly love
and open myself to the potential for heartache without fear,
knowing that I can rise above anything that happens.
Healing is allowing myself to trust others
and being trustworthy myself.
Healing is giving myself permission to live life to the fullest
without thinking much about healing or hurting or my history.
It is allowing myself to temporarily “forget” that I even have an abusive history.
Healing is knowing that I was a victim who dared to survive
and am now a survivor who dares to thrive.
Healing is being able to put words to my experiences,
and “sexual abuse”
and “satanic ritual abuse”.
And healing is to put them without capital letters because
I am bigger and taller and stronger than they are
and I refuse to give them capital letter power in my life.
Healing is being able to cry and know that I am OK
and everything will be alright.
Healing is being able to see my Creator’s love for me
even when I know I don’t deserve it.
Healing is being able to see His hand in my life…even during the most awful of experiences.
Healing is being able to see His protection and how He got me through.
I may think of more things to add to that list. As I do, I may edit