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A Parent, a Child and Being Reparented

March 12, 2008

I recently got to witness a father playing with his young son. The boy was about three years old and they were rolling a car back and forth between them. It was really nice to see that interaction taking place…to see a father so freely give of himself, not caring who might be around to see. In fact, while he was doing that, another professional from his field walked in and saw it. He just keep right on as if it was the most natural thing to be doing.

The thing is…it SHOULD be the most natural thing to be doing. Yet, when it comes to children, I have often had to struggle…even with my own. Although, I have to admit…the struggle was not so much when they were three or under. It was sometime during that three year age, on into four and up that I struggled. Could it have been the gender difference? I suppose so. Or maybe it was more what was modeled for me growing up…which includes the abuse I went through since my parents were involved? For whatever reason, the ability to play with children…boy children anyway…got short circuited somewhere.

So, I was blessed with being able to witness this interaction in a quiet moment of time and saddened inside, too. How much was stolen from me…never to be replaced in this life. Even when I go to heaven, I will not “grow up” again. But I will be changed. I am so grateful to have a heavenly Father…an Abba…who loves me and parents me the right way…even though I am now an adult. Is it too late to be reparented? I don’t think so. Although I am not really sure what that looks like…being reparented by my heavenly Abba. I only know that, whatever it is, it is good…because He is good. He is not like my earthly parents.

I believe that He watches over me…and brings people into my life to be good influences, good role models, good friends. I am thankful that He has brought me into contact with those who have encouraged in me a deeper love of God, including a love for the Hebrew names of God. I am grateful for being introduced to pastors, both offline and online, although, in all honesty…I don’t trust a lot of pastors very easily anymore. In fact, I don’t trust a lot of “churches” anymore. But I am working on it. Or maybe I should say that my Abba in heaven is working on it within my heart.

I have more thoughts, but this will do for now.

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