Being Heard and Being Believed — MT??

April 11, 2008

Two of the biggest things as a survivor is being heard and being believed. Did I say two of the “biggest” things? Somehow the word “biggest” does not seem to do justice to how important these two things are. They are HUGE!!!! They are almost everything; but I won’t say they are everything because that would imply that healing is impossible if you have no one to hear you or believe you and I just do not believe that. However, it is a whole lot harder and it contributes to it taking a whole lot longer.

When you have been through things that are as bizarre as what I and some of my friends have been through…well…you have enough difficulty believing it is real yourself without having others doubt it, too. It is especially important for those who are supposed to be supporting and helping us to believe us. I have sensed a certain amount of incredulity from my current t.

Oh, it was not open…but I could tell. And it was something I really struggled with. He does not doubt the DID. He does not doubt that horrendous, heinous things have been done to me. It is the details he struggles with. And he asks me questions that I am not able to answer. When I walk into his office, I am running on issues. I am not in a teaching mode. I need him to do some reading. I have given him some links and even printed off some articles. He has read some, but he is too busy to read much at all. For someone who has never worked with DID or an SRA survivor before, that he knows of, I think he should spend at least a little consistent time reading up on it. Or…calling my back home t since she IS a good teacher. She has over 20 years experience working with people like me. And she is willing to answer questions.

Well, I have been stuffing my frustration and have felt uncertainty about what to do with my therapy. This last session he admitted that he had been wrestling with what to believe. But he did finally get it that it was not important. I told him I was run over by a truck. It does not matter if it was red or blue…if it was daytime or nighttime…I was still run over by a truck. He agreed with me. I think he sort of apologized about it…but I really don’t remember. I just know that I was glad to be validated in what I was picking up on. But I was also kind of ticked…although I don’t think that really hit until later. I was too busy trying to stuff my feelings about his admission. At least he had the integrity to admit his struggle with me. That took guts, I think.

In the larger, more “sophisticated” cults, they have elaborate sets…like in a movie. They use drugs and hypnosis and these sets, complete with costumes, etc., to plant all kinds of memories. Some people think they remember living in a past life. Some remember being abducted by aliens. Some just remember things that could not have happened in “real” life. All of it is designed to make the person feel like they are crazy…or to make others think they are crazy. What adult will believe a child who says some famous cartoon character had sex with them. Yeah, right, honey. Costumes, sets, hypnosis, drugs…deception upon deception. That is how the major cult groups work. And yes, they also have genuine real life stuff they do…horrendous stuff. It is not pretty.

So, yeah…did it really happen? Sure it did! To us it did! It does not matter if it was an elaborate setup of deception or if it was a bonafide real life kind of thing…to us it was real…every step of the way. We remember it as if it was genuine…and not deception. And that is what we must work with!

When they took us to rituals and we saw the things taking place…did it really happen? Was it real? Was the death we witnessed real? Maybe. They do both…the real and the deception. But does it really matter if a particular incident was faked or not? To us, at the time, it was genuine. In our hearts and minds…the horror was real. The horror was genuine…not faked. So, what the heck difference does it make what is real and what is not…what to believe and what not to believe???

When we felt physical pain…it was real. When we were forced to do things that were horrific…it was real. What we experienced was real…as far as we were concerned…it was really happening to us.

Please feel free to share your thoughts.

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