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Therapist Struggles

April 24, 2008

I saw my therapist yesterday. He has tried hard to feel comfortable with my insiders talking to him. But he struggles with it. He also struggles to believe the SRA…and for understandable reasons. Some of it is that he hates the thought that it could have happened to someone he knows and loves or even just someone he cares about on some level. I can appreciate that. It is not easy for me to believe it about myself, either. Plus, he is a farm boy who has just never heard of, or been exposed to, this kind of stuff. It is hard to learn about such evil in the world.

The upshot is that he is going to call my CA therapist and talk to her. He is going to ask her if she struggled with that in the beginning, too, and find out what helped her. Then he is going to tell her to call me. I just don’t know if I can go in and squelch the switching. I don’t know if I want to even try. Actually, I am not sure how I feel about any of it right now.

I know that he really does care. I know that he wants to be supportive. But I find myself running with the old messages of “I need to change”. And “there is something wrong with me.” Instead of running with “we need to work this out.” And “we CAN work this out”. And “if he cannot accept me, that is HIS issue…not mine.” I really need to take out old messages and replace them with new ones.

I also need to remember that I have a spiritual enemy who just loves to whisper those old messages into my ear. Gosh, I had come so far in my healing journey. But now I find myself going over old ground again after getting slammed so hard by bad therapists. I am fighting to recoup from all that has gone on. *sigh*

But recoup I will! And am!

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