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Brokenness and Conflict

May 12, 2008

We are all broken in some way. Sometimes I am keenly aware of my brokenness and other times I am able to kind of push it away and focus on other things. It is not that I pretend I am not broken…I just don’t dwell on it and beat myself up over it.

Then something happens that slams it in my face again. I get reminded of how broken I really am. And of how easily my brokenness can effect others. I have to be careful not to start beating myself up over it.

Conflict is one of those things. I HATE conflict. I especially hate confrontation. I do everything I can to avoid them until I feel I have no choice. I don’t have a lot of experience with confrontation and conflict resolution, but I have done it. Sometimes it turns out really well, with both sides gaining a greater understanding and appreciation for each other. Sometimes it does not turn out so well.

Besides a lack of experience, it seems as if each time it is different anyway. You have different personalities involved, each with their own histories coming into play. When both sides are coming from a place of deep woundedness on top of the wounding within the current conflict…well, that just makes things all the more difficult. Or, it can anyway. It does not have to. I guess a lot of it depends on how willing…and on how able…all sides are to tough it out and work through things.

Sometimes one, or more (or even both/all), of the persons involved is coming from a place of such deep woundedness that they just cannot handle it. Or they are coming from a place of healing and strength and simply choosing to walk away. They withdraw…for their own sake. Hopefully, at some point, they can reach a point of being able to revisit it. But that may not happen. It may just become one of those never resolved things in life…a loose end.

It think it takes a lot of bravery for a broken person to enter into an arena where conflict might take place. I also think that it is smart for all involved to know when they need to take a break…or even to walk away for good. That is not always easy to determine…or easy to accept.

I find it ironic that I was recently told that two people had blocked my email address because of my refusal to let something drop. The reason I say it is ironic is because I had no idea that the one person had blocked it. Why did I not know? Because I had dropped the conversation and never emailed her again! I got no notice of blocking!

As for the other one…I did know, but it happened after only a few emails. I do recognize that I blew it big time in that conversation. My own humanness and brokenness comes in a lot with that. I really needed to keep two issues separate…and I failed horribly. I got them mixed together. When she started to withdraw, I pushed, which was another big mistake…again…due to the mixing of two issues. And, of course, mixing them also gave the wrong impression as to my motives. *sigh*

Oh, well. One can only do the best they can and then learn from their mistakes. The sad thing is, whenever one closes a door, it makes it kind of difficult to work things out. Well, actually, without communication, it makes it impossible.

Anyway, those are my thoughts at the moment on brokenness and conflict.

I am also working through a situation right now for which I have sought the advice of more than one pastor. What they told me, in unison, has caused me to now ask a lawyer/judge for his thoughts on it. Oy vey! That is one thing about seeking counsel. Sometimes you are told more than you really wanted to know. But once you know…what do you do? You cannot just ignore it…especially if it has legal ramifications on top of the moral ramifications. There is nothing like being between a rock and a hard place!

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