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Making Mistakes/Second Guessing

May 30, 2008

It is always hard to admit making mistakes. I know it is for me. As much as I want to think of myself as being very open…there are times when I still have to be convinced. But once I can see them…I do own them…at least as best I can. There is NO way that I am going to claim perfection in that…or in any other area!

One thing about mistakes is that I find it so easy to second guess things. I sometimes spend time wondering what I should have done or could have done. I know that many people say we should stay out of the “shoulda, coulda” thing. They call it “shoulding” on yourself. But, actually, I think some of that is healthy.

I believe that I need to look at my mistakes and try to figure out where I went awry. Where did I take that wrong turn? What could I have done differently that might have made it turn out better? I think that I need to look at what I should not have done, as well as what I should have done. In that sense, I believe I can learn from “coulda, shoulda” and do things differently next time.

I do agree that too much of it is unhealthy. It can become an obsession in trying to find answers that may never be able to be found. It can end up in beating myself up.

So many things in life turn out differently than we thought they would; and there are so many reasons for that. We may have misjudged a person…misjudged their character or how they would respond. Or we find ourselves being triggered in ways we did not expect. Or we find out that we don’t know all the facts. Sometimes we are missing a very key bit of info that just totally changes things.

Sometimes, when we do get that bit of info…it is too late to change the situation. The ball is rolling and a course of action has been set in motion. I have had that happen to me…and then just not known how to stop the ball because it has rolled too far. *sigh*

There are times when I just feel really stupid. Over the years, I have had to learn to give myself a break. I grew up having to be “perfect”. It was part of the training. Thankfully, I learned a long time ago to just accept imperfection. Sometimes, though, it can still rear its ugly head…that perfectionism. Then I have to watch out.

I am not perfect. In fact, I am woefully IMperfect. I have to accept that I am going to do and say things that are blow-its…and sometimes they are BIG blow-its! With that acceptance, comes the ability to show mercy to both myself and others. I have found that, when I can accept my own imperfectness, it is a whole lot easier to accept the imperfectness of others. I guess it levels the playing field a bit.

None of us is above or below another. We are all on this walk together. Hopefully, we can all travel arm in arm on this journey. As survivors we have tough issues that can make life really hard. I believe we really need to pull together and support one another. We need to learn from our mistakes and move on. I believe that we need to set healthy boundaries as best we can, while always giving grace to one another. I wish I was farther along in my ability to do this.

Please feel free to share your thoughts.

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