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Meeting the Ex

May 30, 2008

I recently saw my ex and his wife, daughter and stepson. It was an interesting experience to say the least. I am still processing it and have already talked to my t about writing an email to him. In the email I will set a healthy boundary while still giving him the benefit of the doubt.

We had connected a little bit at the hotel…where he lied to me instead of just being real. *sigh* Then he did something to me at the end of the reception that was totally inappropriate, considering that he was an abuser. Although I doubt that he sees himself that way. He walked toward me quickly from behind someone else and before I had a possibility to react…or to refuse…he hugged me.

He gave me no options…no time to be able to react and make a decision as to whether or not I WANTED to be hugged! It was one of those things where I would have literally had to put my hands up and/or turn around quickly and go the other way, which would have been pretty difficult seeing as how I was walking in the direction he came from.

I cannot say what his motivation was. There are several possibilities that I can think of. That is one of the things I need to process and write in my journal about.

I really felt kind of sorry for him…in a way. He was not really a part of any of it. Yet, he made his bed…now he must lie in it. One of the things I thought of when I saw him was that loyalty comes with a price. So does disloyalty. I was loyal to my sons and I paid the price…then. He was disloyal to all of us and now he is paying the price. He is on the outside. Even if he ends up with wonderful relationships with his sons, he can never regain all the lost years. It really is sad.

I have always been known for my loyalty…although, perhaps I am too loyal. I don’t know. I stayed with him for about 13 or so years…determined not to be a statistic. Yet, in the end, for the boys’ sakes and my own, I had to separate. I always hoped that he would wake up and want to work on things, but he never did. He had made it clear for a long time that he did not want to be married to me.

Anyway, it was very interesting having all of them there. It was also very interesting having the 13 year old daughter and the stepson (who was about 23/24) observing me. I guess they were trying to reconcile all the horror stories they had heard about me at family gatherings with the happy woman they saw. The woman who was accepted and obviously cared about by her son, by his bride, both sides of the wedding party, the brides family, etc.

I had a blast at the wedding and I know that it showed. I was confident and knew that I was very loved. My son has married into a goodhearted family. I could not be more pleased with his choice of bride.

2 comments

  1. I am just thrilled for you that you went to the wedding having to deal with so many issues and you just plain had fun. Sounds like you didn’t let no one win but you and of course your son and new DIL. I agree I know you are very loved. So proud of you.

    Love,

    A


  2. Thanks, my friend. I count it as one of my positive accomplishments! I am kinda proud of myself, too…in a good way. I refuse to let anyone steal my joy!

    Sending safe love back to you, hon!



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