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Thoughts for Today

June 6, 2008

I feel like I am being stretched in so many ways. Things in life change. People change. Situations change. The weather changes!

It makes me so grateful to know that there is one thing that never changes…Yahweh God. My understanding of Him may change, but even that is directed largely by His Spirit…which never changes. I just don’t know what I would do if I could not count on His unchangeableness.

Some changes I really want. Like our living situation. I really WANT that to change! I am ready!! I feel so drained right now. I would really like to be able to just take some time and space to sort of shut down for a bit. But there is no way to be able to do that here. So, I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and fighting to keep going.

I had a really intense dream the other night. I think it is revelatory…in the sense that I believe it is telling me something about my system. I have been praying for understanding and I think I am getting it. I am waiting for one of my t’s to call me. She may have some insight on it, having worked with survivors for so long. It was a very real dream.

I am struggling to rest when I sleep. I do sleep, but I don’t awaken feeling rested. It may the “bed” we sleep on. I don’t know. I just hope it gets better.

I read a blog today by a friend of mine. She asked the question I have asked myself. Why keep working on healing hard things when it seems like the pain will never really go away. OK…that is MY wording. She asked it differently, but I think she meant pretty much the same thing. Why keep at it when it seems like there may never be full healing in this life?

There are days I truly don’t know what to say other than there are others who need me. If I can heal even a little bit, it will be worth it for them…won’t it? I sure hope so.

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