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Trying to See

August 15, 2008

I have been doing a lot of thinking…a lot of soul searching…and a lot of praying. It has caused me to look back over the last few months of posts I have made here…trying to see what I wrote with new eyes. I have become aware of the fact that a couple of persons are upset about some things I have written…persons that, as far as I knew, were no longer reading here. It was not my intent to upset anyone.

Something happened a couple of months or so ago that I have written about here…without naming names or places or giving any identifying information. I have written some of my thoughts and feelings and perspectives on it…just as I write my thoughts and feelings about all sorts of things that have happened in my life.

Since I have become aware that at least one of these persons has been continuing to read, and of the resulting feelings of upset, I figured that I really should take a look at what all I have written here since the whole thing happened.

Was what I wrote inappropriate? I don’t know…I don’t think so. If I had identified the persons involved, or made it obvious to others who they were, then yes, most definitely it would have been wrong. Still…if someone is that upset…I need to take a look at it. One can be “technically” right and yet “morally” wrong.

There are almost 50 posts that have been made since it happened. Of those posts, I could only find direct references to what happened in about a half dozen posts. I have not deleted any.

There are about a dozen other posts addressing some other topics. When I wrote about those topics, I drew from all sorts of things I have experienced over the years, including the incident these persons are referring to. So, yes, there are some references, most pretty vague, that consist of anywhere from one sentence to a handful of sentences, within these other topic posts. Even as I reread them, they did not bring the incident to mind for me…other than the few sentences here and there. I know that the incident was not foremost in my mind at the time that I wrote them.

Until the other day, I had not written directly about it for over a month and indirectly only once that I can find. I am saddened that anyone is upset by what I write…especially when I actually wrote so little about it. Unless something happens to trigger my thoughts and feelings in that direction, I see no reason to write about it specifically any more.

That does not mean that there may not be aspects of it that won’t get written about simply because life is like that. One thing overflows into another. There are many common experiences and feelings among people in general and among survivors in particular. It would be difficult to write about much of anything without someone seeing themselves in it somewhere. I often see myself in what others write.

I don’t really know what more I can do.

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