h1

Another Old Message and Therapy

August 21, 2008

Well, I am mixing two subjects here, although, perhaps they are actually related?

Last night, I thought of another old message:

I am not worth spending money on.
Others, and their needs, are more important than me and mine.
I cannot justify spending money on my needs/wants, especially if we have debts.
I should not expect others to go out of their way to help me.
I am not deserving of any more help than any one else. If anything, I am less deserving…or even not deserving at all.
I should not expect that anyone will inconvenience him/herself for me.

Well…that was obviously more than one. More came to mind as I was writing.

Again, thankfully, I am pretty much past these now. However, I definitely do struggle with some of these. Of course, struggling does not mean giving in. It just means that I have to push through to get to the point of doing what I need to do, in spite of what may be going through my head.
I know that, when my therapy appointments are not covered by insurance, I do tend to struggle with the idea of spending that much money on me. That is one reason why the two subjects can be connected.

My therapist has to keep having phone sessions in order to keep my appointments coming. I see him every week. Since I also do double sessions a lot, my allotment of “approved” appointments runs out a lot faster. That means he has to call more often. I feel badly about that. I know he would probably say that I should not feel badly. It just is what it is. However, I DO feel badly. It is hard not to. He is already being nice about working with me in relation to my copay…why should he have to do anything more?

It is just like his reading up on anything related to me. On the one hand, I want him to read SOMEthing. On the other hand, I feel I should not expect him to read ANYthing! We both knew, going into it, that he did not have experience in my areas. Yet, I don’t really have any other options. There is no one in this area who really does. In addition to that, he is a follower of Yeshua/Jesus…a real one…and that is important to me. I need someone who can relate to, and understand, that part of my life.

I also need someone who really cares. Hmmm…that is also where it gets a bit tricky. To me, if someone really cares, they will do at least something to try to understand more about his client. Yet, the fact that he is willing to see someone like me shows he cares. He could have said “no”. Someone else did. So, how does one “measure” caring? The lines seem to blur for me. His seeing me shows me he cares. His willingness to work out my copays with me shows me he cares.

He has stuck with me at times when I know he was scratching his head and wondering if I would ever be able to move forward. He has helped me a lot, actually, even if not always in the ways that I wanted. He really does try and he does not pretend to know things. He is honest about his “ignorance” of some things. I appreciate that. At least, I have some idea of what I am working with. I can’t say that about my previous therapist. But then, he was a horse of a different color and a subject for a different post.

Advertisements

Please feel free to share your thoughts.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: