Processing – What Is Next?

August 23, 2008

This guy being gone is having an effect on me. I had told my therapist that I did not think I would really be able to totally process what happened until we moved away. Or at least until my friend no longer worked there. The last thing I expected was for this guy to no longer be there.

Now I find myself thinking of his office. I can see him sitting across from his desk…asking me questions and taking notes. I can hear him challenging me to tell him everything and not hold anything back…as if I was hiding something. I remember him telling me that “they” had been upfront and trusted me…which actually was a lie…and now I should trust them and tell them everything. What was I supposed to tell them? There was nothing to tell. There was nothing in my background, or in my present, that posed any kind of threat to the group.

He said that something had come up in my background check relating to a cult…but he did not tell me what. He was actually “fishing”, I realized later. Dummy me, I acknowledged it without first finding out for sure just what it was he heard. I had wondered if something would show up. Now…I don’t think it did. I think what he got was hearsay from someone else in the group that my friend had talked to. But there is no way to know for sure now.

He actually did not even have the complete background check back yet…which was a big no no on their part. They were not supposed to hire me without that coming back first. Another reason I think it came from within is because he kept asking me what employees I had told there about my background. He kept insisting I had talked to some of them.

Now, I find myself flashing on him and his office and the whole incident. I find the emotions coming up and I am rather weepy. Although, with several other things that have happened this week…maybe it is everything all rolled together. I don’t really know.

It is going to be interesting to see how this turns out…for the group…and for me, personally.

One comment

  1. […] A Time for Tears Published October 30, 2008 grieving 2 Comments Tags: grieving Well, I got hit with emotions today. I had written previously about a place where a friend of mine worked…a place where I was interrogated and then fired from a part time temporary job after about 5 days due to my SRA background. I believe the last post I wrote about it was here. […]

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