When There Is Hurt Between Friends

March 4, 2009

What do you do when there is hurt between friends? Whether you are the one hurt…or they are…or you both are, it can be difficult to know what to do…or if there is even something you can do.

I think of friendships that have been broken. Sometimes, it seems like there is just nothing I can do that can mend things. It is not a matter of blame. The fact is…there is brokenness on both sides. So, what should I do? I know that one thing I do is to pray for guidance. There are some things that are so tangled up that I really have no idea how to untie the knots. However, I know there is One who can untie them…if He chooses…in His time.

Sometimes, I wonder if some of the hurts have come about simply because Yahweh was trying to move me away from some places that I was reluctant to leave. Perhaps, my stubbornness in staying caused some of the problems? Perhaps I was supposed to leave before anyone would be hurt? I don’t know.

I can get these ideas in my head that I belong in certain places or with certain people…or that I am being helpful…when maybe I really don’t belong and I am not really being helpful. Perhaps, I think too highly of myself…of my usefulness…or of Yahweh using me. There are times when I just don’t know what to think…especially when others are hurt. This is especially true when I feel powerless to do anything about it.

I guess those are the times when I just have to let go. I have to love from afar and entrust them into Yahweh’s hands, knowing that we will ultimately be together in a place where there will be no more hurt. There will be no more rubbing up against each other.

So, I will keep trying to find my way…or should I say I will keep trying to find His way for me. I hate it when I blow it. There is a choice I have to make. I can either hate myself for my blow its…or I can accept His forgiveness and forgive myself. What others do is between them and Yahweh.

There are times when I really miss the way things used to be. There are friends I miss fellowshiping with, but when I think of going back…nothing feels right. I have changed. They have changed. Nothing will ever be the way it once was. I grieve over that. Well, actually, I think I have been stuffing the feelings…not really acknowledging that I need to grieve over it.

I need to face that things are different and that they will never be the same again. I have a whole group of friends that are moving forward…without me. That does not mean that I am not moving forward, too, but we are not going hand in hand and arm in arm.  I feel as if I just don’t fit in anymore. I feel like I am now an outsider and like my presence would just make others uncomfortable. So, what would be the point in even trying to go back? There is just too much that has happened. Things have changed and I need to allow myself to grieve over that. There are some things that only Yahweh can heal.

There is also the time factor. I simply don’t have the time to keep up with a lot of friends…yet, I do miss them. I guess I need to get off my tushie and make sure that I make the time to make some phone calls…send some emails, etc. I don’t know. I am not sure if they even want to be in touch…and I am not sure I would blame them if they did not. Perhaps, I just need to leave it alone? I would hate to have them think that I just moved on and have forgotten them…because I have definitely not forgotten them.

Where do I fit? I am not really sure. I am building in person friendships and connections…trying to build an in person life for myself. That is a good thing. However, it does not negate the fact that I have friends that I do miss and I wonder how they are doing. I think that I am just too broken to do them much good and we don’t think as alike as we once did. Things have gotten muddled and only our Abba can unmuddle them…if that is what He wants to do.

In the meantime, I think I really need to allow myself to grieve over the losses. I need to celebrate the connections I once had and I need to grieve that many of them seem to be no more. I need to let them go…while always holding them in my heart. Even writing this brings tears to my eyes and my heart aches. I miss being there for them…but maybe I am just not fit to be there for them any more. I need to take comfort that they are supporting each other and try not to feel left out of something that I just don’t fit into any more anyway. It is done. It is over. I need to mourn that.

Please feel free to share your thoughts.

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