Working Things Out(?) and Odds and Ends

April 24, 2009

Well…things seem to be working out OK at the congregation we fellowship with. The leaders want us there. I don’t know about everyone else, but I guess that will work itself out. I am not going to go into details here. It is too complicated and I am tired of even thinking about it.

I am very grateful that our leaders have stepped up to the plate, desiring to do things Yahweh’s way, unlike the leaders that Dr. Margaret Jones’ describes that she had to deal with. Boy am I glad! I would never wish on someone the things she experienced. You can read more about what she dealt with in her book which I reviewed here.  She also has a blog here.

I am not going to my therapist at the moment…sort of taking a bit of a break. I am OK with that.

Communication with my parents is as wierd as ever. I was really hoping that maybe things had changed, but I see no sign of that. How very sad. I really pray that they will find true peace and healing.

I don’t believe in holding grudges. Not against my parents. Not against those who have hurt me in and out of congregations/churches. Not against my ex or his family. Not against anyone. They will all have to answer to Yahweh for what they have done, just as I will have to answer for what I have done. I don’t know about all of them, but I know that I am covered by the gift of what Yeshua (Jesus) did for me. I am grateful for I know that I am so undeserving of any good thing. My sinfulness precludes that in a huge way.  So, I am grateful.


  1. Glad to read your church is handling things a bit better than what happened at the churches I belonged to. In what way did your leaders step up to the plate?

  2. Hi, Margaret. For starts, our son did some things that, sadly, they could have called the police in on. One of the elders convinced the others not to do that. Then the others insisted on offering to pay for four counseling appointments for him. They really do care and want to find ways to be supportive and helpful.

    When hubby offered to have us leave the church, they met together and unanimously said they wanted us to stay.

    Then, when it was suspected that there was possibly gossip going on because we were “uninvited” to a small group event, specifically due to our son’s behavior (which the elders had tried to keep quiet), they immediately got on the phone and tried to get to the bottom of it. It appears to be more of something along the lines of the youth who saw what he did putting 2 and 2 together and figuring out it was our son.

    In the process, the head elder got hold of the small group leader who was shocked to find out that someone in the group had uninvited us to the event. He affirmed that he wants us in the group and that we make a difference there. This same leader allowed us to bring our son in with us last week when we told him that we did not trust our son out of our sight.

    This congregation has people who are imperfect, but they really do love Yahweh and want to follow His ways…to do things in a biblical way…and that love really shows.

    Sadly, also out of “love” (misguided), two incidents with our son were not shared with us. Had they been, the much more serious incident would not have happened because we would have kept our eyes on him every minute. You cannot deal with what you don’t know about. However, it was not shared out of “love”…not out of any attempt to deceive or to harm. We are very impressed with the leadership and the congregation overall.

    Do we think it will be easy to go to group this week and face the couple who uninvited us? Nope! We know there may be more repercussions. However, I am hopeful that they can be worked through.

    Some people are making a bigger deal out of some things and misreading them. They are being paranoid. There is not much we can do about that, but the leaders can set the example by not shunning us.

    How ironic that this comes up at this time, huh?

  3. I am glad your church leaders supported your family during a time of considerable stress for you and your husband. It can be hard to know what to do in those situations. Perhaps the people who uninvited you will seek to reconcile with you. Too often the desire for position and power leads to cruel and unloving behavior. Gossip or talking about someone instead of to them undermines our church communities and lead to people quitting church altogether.

    • I am glad, too. I think they will desire reconciliation because they are good people at heart. We suspect they have just been some partial information, which can be very misleading.

      Thankfully, I really don’t see a desire for power or position in either one of them. I think it is more of a misunderstanding.

      Too often, people run away rather than staying and confronting the behavior in a biblical manner. Of course, sometimes, a community is just so sick that there is nothing you can do and it is best to leave…as you have found out. I have been in that situation before, too, even though the people involved really did care. Gossip, I think, really contributed in that situation.

      It is much better, if at all possible, to discuss matter privately with people rather than making them public. Work things out amongst one another. Of course, no one learns how to do that if one of the parties involved runs at the first sign of trouble. It can be hard work to have good solid relationships with others.

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