Not Dwelling on the Former Things
April 25, 2009I just read an excellent blog post called: Haunted by the Ghosts of Spiritual Abuse by Dr. Margaret Jones. She zeroed in on the idea that there are many who seem to think that those who have been abused need to no longer speak of the abuse as a sign of their healing. They seem to think that those who continue to speak of it must not “be over it”.
Yet, is healing really “getting over things”? I don’t think it is. That is…if you think that “getting over it” means that it no longer effects you. I agree with Margaret that the things I have been through will always effect me.
That is not necessarily a negative thing, though. After all, I am able to be more understanding of someone who has been through what I have been through. I am able to offer comfort in ways that a nonsurvivor never could. I can honestly say “I know how you feel.”
Everything I have been through has shaped me and helped to make me what I am. Yes, some of it still effects me negatively. I struggle with PTSD. I am partially amnesic. Yet, even in that, I have a purpose and a calling in this life. I look forward to how Yahweh is taking all that I have been through and using it for His glory…using it for good.
Coming out the other side, I would not trade what I have been through. I truly believe that, if I had had an easy life, I would be a selfish, selfcentered brat. I still find myself fighting selfishness, but I think I would have been worse. I also don’t know that I would be nearly as close to my heavenly Abba (Father).
No, I try not to live in the former things, but nor do I deny them. I don’t shout about them, yet, when it is appropriate, I will share. I don’t waste my breathe and take needless risks sharing where I don’t think it will be heard, but I will share where it looks like it will be helpful.
I refuse to remain silent! If people want to think that means I am still dwelling in it…oh well. That is their problem, not mine!
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A Survivor's Thoughts on Life 
My experiences with abuse and neglect has also shaped me. After passing through the “valley of the dead” I have a greater appreciation for who I am and my life’s purpose. I have seen evil and do not fear it. I am stronger and more compassionate and more forgiving. A quote arrived in my inbox during my blog tour for Not of My Making. It went something like this, everyone wants peace, yet iron is strengthened by being put into the fire.
I so hear you on that! That is how steel is tempered into a strong blade for a sword.
In some ways, though, I feel the abuse left me weaker. When you are talking about any abuse that is severe and persistent it does things that are lasting. I feel as if I am constantly bumping up against the effects of my abuse. Yet, that just shows how strong Yahweh is, too, as He works through me in spite of my weakness.
The fact that I survived shows some strength…and the mercy of Yahweh.