Annoyed…and Growth

May 9, 2009

OK…call it a pet peeve…call it being overly touchy…call it whatever you want…but I am annoyed.

I have been following the blog tour being made by Dr. Margaret Jones. No, I am NOT annoyed at her. I like her and really appreciate what she has to say. I am annoyed at one of the bloggers whose blog she has stopped at. Why, you might ask? (Or maybe you won’t…but I am going to tell you anyway.)

I made a comment on the blog post that Dr. Jones was writing and responding on. So far…so good. The blogger responded…fine. I responded to her response. (Don’t know why it cut off the first letter of her name in my response, but then…maybe it was just my typo…wierd.)

Here is where it gets annoying. In my response, I mentioned being an RA survivor. She responds…asking what RA means. That is fine. However, I did not get back to her blog for awhile and then she shut off the commenting.Why did she ask if she did not really want to know the answer? Did she want it and then changed her mind? Was she just being rude? I don’t know.

A HUGE part of being abused is having no voice. It is not being allowed to speak (or write). It is knowing that what you think and feel is not cared about by someone else. I feel like I got cut off…shut out. I was asked a question…and then basically not allowed to answer. I find it ironic that she seems to be hypersensitive to abuse in churches and religions and church groups, etc., yet is not sensitive to how her own action can come across to an abuse survivor…how her own action can seem, on some level, abusive!

She likes to name names. I am not going to do that. I see no point in it. It is MY peeve…not hers. She is probably oblivious to what she has done. In fact, I would pretty much be willing to bet on it. So, this is not really about her. It is about me…about how I am responding. I feel a bit silenced…and miffed, but I don’t think it is worth my time to bother her with it, to be quite frank.

Well, maybe I am just afraid that she won’t care…or that she will think I am being silly. I admit those are possibilities, while also admitting that it really should not make any difference. What she thinks…what she acknowledges…really is none of my business…isn’t it?I have worked very hard to make what others think about me none of my business. I have worked very hard at not letting myself be effected by what others do, whether intentional or not…so why am I miffed?

I have been dealing with so much other stuff that I have to choose my battles wisely. I just need to deal with my own feelings and let it go. At least I am not obsessing about it. There was a time in my life when I would have. I would also probably have had to make sure I emailed her or something about it. I actually started this blog post on the 5th and just now finally got back to it. Nope, not obsessing. Hey…that’s growth! Yay!

I am grateful for my life and for my growth. Although I am NOT grateful for Mother’s Day!!


  1. You are right, it is about her and only her. I am so sorry that you were shut out .. having no voice makes it harder not only trust, but to get yourself going again. I am glad you were able to process this and push forward. Stay strong in the Lord 🙂

    • **editing in by the author of this blog: Although this is addressed to Grace, a friend who had commented on this post, I believe Cindy meant to address it to me. 🙂 I appreciate her response here and will get in touch with her.**

      Dear Grace,

      I’m Cindy who hosted Margaret Jones during her blog tour. I tend to get lots of nasty comments from kinists and groups that do not like to have what I say, so I do not routinely offer comments. In the past, this has been stressful for me, so the two mental health professionals who monitor my blog advised me to disable comments, something I have done for more than a year, something I do to show accountability to them as part of a small network of people including ministers who function as what could be considered a functional advisory board. I opened things up for comments only for the day and did have to moderate out some troubling posts on a couple of other sections, something I find that I do not enjoy and something that creates a lot of stress for me. I only offered the comment option in order to help Dr. Jones promote her book.

      In fact, I took all of the comments, cut and pasted them into the post and deleted all of them from the comments when I turned the option off. There is a fairly notable “Email Me” icon there in the sidebar, and I would be more than happy to post your response if you would like to send your response to me. I’m sorry that I took for granted that someone with additional comments to add would not have done so. (I get too much SPAM when I post the email address directly. If you would go back to http://www.undermuchgrace.blogspot.com and click on the email icon to contact me directly, I would be more than happy to put those comments directly into the main blog post with all the other comments.)

      I apologize for any offense I have caused for you. My husband has an atypical form of arthritis with signs and symptoms of both “OA” and “RA” along with a genetic disorder, so I naturally think of RA as rheumatoid arthritis. Two loved ones had health issues that same day of the blog tour, and one received a cancer diagnosis. My phone rang off the hook for three days, including the day of the tour. This is the first day that I’ve had an opportunity to check my sitemeter since then where I found your blog address.

      Again, I sincerely apologize for any offense I have caused. I have not had comments enabled on that blog for well over a year, and I took for granted that anyone with something to add would make an effort to contact me. I’m truly sorry for any confusion or distress I have caused by turning the comments back off and for not following up with all of the comments on the blog.

      I look forward to your email.

      Cindy Kunsman

      • Thank you for writing, Cindy. I really appreciate that. I did not try to email you because I really believed it was my issue more than anything. I was exploring my own feelings that were triggered as a survivor.

        It might take me a day or two before I can get back to your blog and respond to what you wrote, but I will get to it. 🙂

        Thank you!

  2. Thank you, Grace. I doubt that she is even aware of what she has done…and that is OK. I am not going to get hung up on making others see what they are doing. Some things do need to be challenged and some things are just better left for Yahweh to handle. It is important that I know the difference in my own life.

  3. Yup, that is great. Hugs to you 🙂

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