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Sometimes…

February 15, 2010

Sometimes…I wonder if this blog is doing anyone other than myself any good. I keep hoping that something I write will make a difference in someone else’s life…in someone else’s healing journey. I know it is being read. So, I guess it is fair to assume that, since others are reading, it must be helping them somehow.

This healing journey can be difficult…filled with struggles and hard things that we have to push through. I certainly don’t have the corner on how to do it. Besides, I believe it is different for each one of us. Oh, we may have some things in common and there may be some similarities in our journey’s, but we are also all unique.

For me, the most important thing for survivors is to be there for one another. That is why betrayal, when it happens, is SO hard. We figure that other survivors are safe…and I think that most are. Sometimes, though, as I wrote about in my article, we run into some that are not.

Recovering from a betrayal is not an easy thing, especially if that betrayal includes a professional like a therapist. But it IS possible. You may find yourself less trusting. I know I am…although it is not the online survivor I trust less so much as the professional. It would be very difficult for me now to go to any therapist who is familiar with cult programming unless someone I really trusted a lot could personally vouch for him/her. And a male therapist…I just don’t know.

I hope that  my openness here is useful to someone else. I hope my persistence in healing encourages someone else to keep on fighting…to keep on holding on and not give up. When one survivor gives up… I think it effects us all. When one holds one…I think that effects us all, too.

Here’s to the other survivors out there who persist in working on their healing…even when it is uncomfortable…even when it hurts like hell…even when it is inconvenient…even when…

Here’s to you. I celebrate YOU!

14 comments

  1. Your blog does help. And I am sure there are many people who read it but right now are unable to be vocal about it. Perhaps in due time. But what you write is powerful and honest and dark and hopeful and everything in between. Its encouraging to see people write about such a painful topic and I wish more people did it. I’ve been doing youtube videos of all sorts of things from cooking to hair to goal settings and I sort of want to do one on sexual abuse and when searching for others, I can’t really find them. So what you are doing is rare and I am grateful!


    • Thank you, Sheena! I am glad that what I write is helping others. I know it helps me and if even one other person is helped that is great. Sometimes, I just need to get my “stuff” out where I can see it. It also helps to know that someone is listening. I saw that you are making youtube videos. Cool!


  2. Inspirational–there are survivors of so many tragedies.


    • Thank you. Yes…there are SO many survivors of so many things. Thank you for coming by and commenting.


  3. Even if your blog is not read by anyone, it’s still a public statement on your part which is healing, probably, and somewhat validating. It makes your journey real. And it’s something you can point back to later and say “Yes, I did that!”


    • So true, Paul. There is something about my thoughts and “stuff” out there. Writing it out is validating…and, I think, healing. Thanks for coming by. Thanks for your support. It means a lot.


  4. it does help. it does help very much. it helps to read and know somebody somewhere gets it. somebody somewhere knows my words too.


    • Thank you for letting me know it helps, anon. I will definitely keep writing as I can. I hope you are finding the support you need.


  5. Although I did not experience SRA, your journey to healing is very familiar. My family was cultic in a different way which incorporated alot of spiritual abuse among others. I am so glad to find your blog and that you cling to Emmanuel.


    • Thank you, Quivering Daughers.

      Abuse is abuse is abuse. It all hurts. It all wounds. It all leaves its mark long after the actions are stopped.

      I appreciate your coming by and will check out your blog when I can. 🙂


  6. This blog was shown to me by a friend, and I am forever greatful to her for pointing me here, to you and your openness and honesty. Thank you.

    I ahve gone through SRA, but the denial still has me at the state of ‘oh yeah? PROVE IT.’ I would love to know when you were able to pass through those doors, into embracing the truth of your history.


    • Hi, 4given. I am honored that your friend sent you to me. I don’t really feel that I have much to offer, but I try to share what I do have as openly as I can. I know that it helps me to read that I am not alone…that others understand.

      Oh, gosh…do I relate to the denial and “prove it”. It is definitely a journey. Hmm…I guess I should start posting about some of that early learning. I know it is different for each one of us, but perhaps something in my story will help you. I don’t think I have covered much of that journey here in this blog. A lot of that has to do with not wanting to be identified, but a lot of that is now behind me.

      I will be praying about how to share what I can safely. You are always welcome to email me, too, if you wish.


  7. Hi, I don’t care for the term “survivor” anymore, as I consider my identity in God, as well. 🙂 I am an overcomer of SRA. Lots of abuse in my childhood, lots of recovery in my adult life. I am sorry that you also suffered that abuse, but I am glad that you are here and that you are brave enough to share it. Congratulations on your on your healing and courage. PTSD was pretty tough for me, but I got through and even went 15 years without a flashback. In the past four years or so, I have had two flashbacks due to some painful medical procedures. Mostly, though, I feel very healed, imperfect but functioning. 🙂 I would like to address 4given’s “prove it” feelings. Proving what happened to me doesn’t heal me. Flashbacks are the proof. Who would do that to themselves? Who could? An active imagination is one thing, but I’ve never imagined that level of horror and panic and pain. I know that SRA is denied and considered a panic. Perhaps there were some FMS cases. I don’t know. What I do know is that it happened to me. That is my proof. I believe in time one of us will have our story proven and the rest of us will be more believed. Until then, I heal and trust God to bring His truth to light in His timing. Wishing you all the best and healing, peace, comfort and wholeness. suba


    • Hi, suba. I hear you. Personally, I don’t mind the term “survivor”. It is just one of many words on the list that describe me and tell my life story. “Overcomer” is also on that list. 🙂 Yay! The most important words for me, though, are daughter of the Most High G-d. I love my heavenly Abba/Father and I know He helped me to make it through. He also protected me during the time of separation.

      Glad to hear from you, suba. 🙂



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