Staying Safe As Survivors In Our Interactions With Others…Part 7

February 15, 2010

5. We need to jump right in and work hard on healing. Let’s not waste time. It takes time to build trust. A good therapist will give you that time. While they might gently prod you at times, they won’t accuse you of not being serious about your healing if you need to go slowly.

6. It should not take very long for you to “heal” with my method of doing things. Or…you will need to work with me a long time. The problem with this is that no one knows how long it will take for anything. I have seen huge leaps forward in healing and I have seen things take a long time. I might give them a try, but I will be wary of anyone who insists on a specific time frame rather than explaining general possibilities. It is one thing to share what others have experienced, but I am not others. I am a unique individual.

To Sum Up

Your feelings, your thoughts, your ideas, your knowledge, your questions and your hesitations…should always be respected. A good therapist will take the time to talk with you and work things through. He/she will take as much time as you need to answer all your questions and to build trust. They will never try to force something upon you.

To be continued…

The first post in this article is here.


  1. This hits home. When I was about 14 the first therapist I went to was a family friend. (That was the first mistake.) The second thing he did was have my step father, the man who had been sexually abusing me for years, sit in on the therapy session. (second mistake. he should have been behind bars but the system worked for him and not me). Thirdly, the very first thing the therapist said was something to the effect, “In order for you to begin the healing process and for us to make any progress you must forgive your dad right now. We can’t do anything until you tell him you forgive him.”

    What kind of load of crock is that? My mother never took me back there. I think we went through ten different therapist and I never found one I liked. That is, until I was 22 and in a place where I could be intentional about it.

    • Wow! Good for your mother in not bringing you back! Man…I am so sad that the system protected him and not you. That really stinks. I would love to know how you were “intentional about it”. Do you mean that you went looking for yourself instead of your mother looking for you? Or are you referring to the idea that you were deciding the course of your healing instead of just floating along and being led? I know that when I work hard on my healing…looking for things I can do to get better…things start to happen inside.

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