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Reaching Out…

May 9, 2010

Previously, I wrote about trying to get hold of a couple to try and find some kind of in person (3D) support. Well, I did finally get her on the phone. I had pretty much decided how I wanted to approach it. Did that happen? Nope! Instead, I started off faltering and ended up just spilling things out. She was very caring as I told her I was losing it.

Her husband was not home at the time or else, she said, she would have come right over. So, she prayed for me and said that she would talk to him and get back to me the next day. I told her I had no idea how we would work this out. They are not close, location wise, and we are not members of their congregation. (He is a pastor.)

After pouring my heart out over the phone, I definitely felt better. It was a couple of days ago that I talked to her and, although I have not heard back from her, I do know her heart. I had told her I did not want to be a bother and she had assured me I was not. And I believe her. She knows our living situation and, like everyone else, cannot imagine how we do it. She knows it is extremely stressful.

What is really amazing to me is that I would normally be fretting like crazy at not hearing back from her. I would have all the old tapes playing about not being a bother…not taking up people’s time, etc. This time, though, instead of fretting at not hearing from her the next day, I am able to contentedly rest…knowing that there is a reason she is not getting back to me…a reason that I believe has nothing to do with me.

They may not be the ones the L-rd has for me (and my family)…and, if that is the case, it is OK. At least being able to talk to her did help me to feel like someone else knows some of what is going on and cares about me…about my family. It helped me to feel heard and to let off some of the stress.

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4 comments

  1. safe hugs if you like (((yous)))


    • Thank you. 🙂 We actually connected with the couple today and it was really good. I am too tired to write more. I’ll have to do it when it is not so late and I am not so busy.


  2. I think one of the most challenging things about having DID is testing the waters with regard to who to tell, when, and how. I find it frustrating to have to come up against Hollywood stereotyping, talk show hyping, and familial sideswiping. Very few people know my story because my experience has been that it is so frightening for others to comprehend, the “knowing” becomes a circus in and of itself. I don’t like being asked how many parts I have, if there are animal parts, if they are all the same sex… because all of that really doesn’t matter beyond the circumstances that led to the creation of my Others. However, this is where folks can really get stuck, which can really send me back to the I AM A FREAK journal.

    We have to take those risks in life to lasso ourselves into human contact. For myself, I know that I am already reclusive enough and I have to work hard to develop relationships that are based in the here and now.

    My heart goes out to you in a big, big way. I’ve had my ups and downs with “coming out” with my DID. It’s hard to know who to tell, and when… the hardest thing, though, is living with the isolation. It’s why I’m glad so many folks are telling their stories and experiences here, at WordPress.

    My thoughts are with you.

    ~Meredith


    • Thanks, Meredith.

      Every time I get to the point where I think I just might let someone know about the DID, something happens that causes me to go running in the other direction. I have blogged about those very frustrating things. Things like Walker’s book and Mungadze’s statements about “evil” alters. Things like the US of Tara on Showtime…which even Kluft (a consultant on the show) acknowledges is actually pretty rare.

      Tara does not represent me. Walker does not represent me. Nor does “Eve”, etc.

      Then…it is one thing to discuss having DID. It is another to actually show it. I think of the scene in Tara where she is goaded into switching. Sheesh!

      I, too, am grateful for the many stories being told on line. Don’t have time to read them all, but I sure am grateful they are there!

      Any time the stereotypes are brought into the forefront again…or statements or shows are made that can make DID look like something freaky…or like those who have it are freaky…I run from opening up.

      For us (hubby and me) right now…we are just looking for friends. It looks like we just may have found a couple that we can be friends with. And who knows? Could it be that I will eventually be able to be that open with them? I have no idea. Only time will tell on that one. More about that in upcoming posts.

      Thanks for coming by.



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