Un-Mother’s Day…Might Trigger

May 9, 2010

Today is Mother’s Day. It is a day of cards and flowers and cute poems about sweet mothers. If you grew up with a sweet mother that is fine. But what if your mother was not so sweet? Or worse…what if your mother was an abuser?

For years…even before I started remembering some things, I would struggle around Mother’s Day. I would read card after card trying to find something that I could honestly give her. I looked for things that simply wished her a nice day. When I would read cards about how wonderful mom was and how she was always there for me, I would just about choke.

I made this today for all those for whom “Mother’s Day” is NOT a joyful day…for those for whom it is a day filled with painful remembering and longing for the mother they wish they had and never did. It is for those who are still trying to heal from the wounds inflicted by their mothers. It is not really meant to send so much as it is to express a truth that you do not see expressed in the greeting card store.

I understand that my mother was wounded herself. I get that. She did what she was trained to do…and so did I. Then, by the grace of G-d, I broke free.  I hope that she breaks free someday, too. In the meantime, she does not seem to want anything to do with me.

This card…although I, personally, would never send it to her, speaks the truth.  I left it as a small thumbnail because it might be triggering to some people. However, if you click on it, you will see a larger image.

I hope that those of you who have been abused find peace. I hope you keep working on your healing and never give up. Don’t let your abusers win! Heal…in spite of them!

Oh…and Father’s Day is coming. I’ll be thinking about that one, too.


  1. It’s a tough day for many…

    Sometimes it comes down to not letting the abusers win. I sometimes worry that this, again, makes the process all about them. But then, it often encourages us to fight, when we have all but given up hope.

    Take care of yourself,

    • Thanks, CG. I find that, for the most part, I don’t even think about my abusers. I do see, though, how easy it can be to allow things to be all about them. It is something to bear in mind.

      Thanks for coming by.

      • Sorry if this sounded like a criticism… it certainly wasn’t meant that way. Sorry, sometimes I can sound pompous when I’m trying to figure things out, or am going through a rough patch…

        Take care,

        • Oh…NOT AT ALL, CG. I did not take it as a criticism at all.

          In fact, I totally get what you are saying and relate. Sometimes, life and healing can be so convoluted. It is also cyclical. There are times when I think of them a lot…and other times when I hardly think of them at all.

          And trying to figure out my own way without letting anything about them interfere with that can be tricky.

          I did not think you sounded even the tiniest bit pompous! 🙂

  2. I love the card. I believe I may have to use it for father’s day.

    • I can customize one for you, if you want. 😉

  3. Although my mom is a good one, some of my friends have a hard time with Mother’s Day because of abuse or other issues, and I always ache for them. It’s hard to even know what to say! I’m glad for honest discussions like this one. Thanks for providing a place for it, onesurvivor.

    • I know many who struggle with this day…for a whole variety of reasons. Abuse is definitely a huge one.

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