What’s Ahead…

June 7, 2010

I feel a bit emotional. My guys are gone for a bit and I am finishing up things here to get ready to go. I suspect that the tears that are now surfacing may be a harbinger of what is ahead.

I have so much bottled up inside. For the last several years I have had precious little freedom to allow things to surface. Now I am anticipating almost three full days of real solitude. I will have the freedom of space to allow things out. The question is…will I be able to? I have had to stifle what I feel inside for sooooo long…will I be able to break free from that and let things out? Let myself out? Habits can be difficult to break.

I like what Meredith wrote in her comment…about having time to “expand” for a few days.  I can take that more than one way. Of course, there is the physical expansion…but that is not how I read it. I read as me expanding. I can expand myself…as in system freedom. I don’t know which way she meant it, but that was my first thought when I read it. The freedom to expand myself.

What will that look like? Who knows? But however it happens…whether physical, emotional, alterwise, etc….I am confident that it will be good. It may also be very hard. Very challenging.

I am thinking ahead. One thing keeps coming back. Make sure all the doors are locked. Have a plan. I guess it is just my nature. I am so glad that I will not ever be truly alone. I was gifted with someone seeing the four huge angels sent to protect me. Whether they stay with me or not…I know that my heavenly Abba will send them any time I need them.

I feel pressed in. So much to do. But, for these three days, I am not going to focus on all of that. I am doing my best to be as ready as possible…so that I can let go of everything else during that time. The world will survive without me. My family will survive without me.


  1. I bet you’ll do exactly what you need to do with your time away. Again, I am so happy for you to have the opportunity. And yes, that’s what I meant by ‘expand…’ And now, breathe. 😉

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