So…

OK…sorry that I am not responding to comments right now. I AM reading them. I am just overwhelmed? Your comments…your caring…mean SO much right now…you have NO idea!

Is it OK to cry now? I know I did earlier…outside…alone. Now my guys are gone for the evening and I am truly alone. Can I cry now? Again? I don’t know.

I know things are on the crux of getting better. We are just about to step over the edge into something better…or at least that is the goal that has been presented to us. By the end of August, he said…that is what he was shooting for. So…while we are approaching the edge of something good…I feel as if I am walking so close to the edge myself…emotionally.

I am glad that I cried earlier. It was good to cry. But this is not over. I have been walking the edge for quite a while…just holding it together. Actually…truly…my Abba is holding me together. I am fighting…but only in His strength. I just could not do this without Him.

I know I am rambling…and maybe not really writing all that coherently…but I just need to write. I need to express. I really need a safe place to process pain. Hubby actually offered to take me to the hospital today when I lost it and told him that my PTSD is soaring. I told that a hospital is NOT what I need. He does not understand what they would do to me there…in addition to the expense with no coverage. I doubt they would even take me anyway. I am not suicidal. I don’t self harm. I am just very beside myself.

I need my online friends more than ever. I need support from those who understand…those who have been through the tough stuff…even if it is not exactly like what I have been through.

I hurt.

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