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Random Thoughts…Again…

September 9, 2010

It’s hard to concentrate on what I am thinking and feeling…or on writing anything about those thoughts and feelings. I get ideas. I experience things, but it is difficult to hold onto them due to my living situation.

My living situation is crazier than ever. BUT…that is supposed to change soon…hopefully within a month. I can’t wait. I am no fool, though. Although some challenges will go away, I know from past experience that some others will continue and/or come back. It makes me rather nervous to be quite frank. It is my prayer that our situation will change…and that my husband will go back to work as soon as things get settled down. I see things in him that concern me…things that I hope are just due to his being under so much stress.

I am still having some laptop difficulties. Hopefully, tomorrow evening hubby can do some recommended fixes. If that does not work, it is reformat again time. At least this time I am way more familiar with Win 7 and with what I will be doing. Yay!

I am nervous. People I don’t know will be coming onto my land to build something for us to live in. The first half of that makes me nervous while the last half of that makes me excited.

I am struggling with my interpersonal skills. I am struggling with being respectful. I am struggling with not allowing bitterness and disappointment to take root and grow. I am struggling with concern…and with being overwhelmed. I am trying not to lose hope in some areas and it is bringing me down. It is difficult to write about here because it runs so deep and I really hope that things will change…but I am not holding my breath.

Believe it or not…I am thinking about changing my theme again. Yeah…like I really have time for that. I have gotten a lot of duplicate photos deleted, but still have more to go. I still need to get my art work up and I am working on a poem.

Well…that is it for now. I am trying to keep my sanity. There are times when I feel like screaming…not that it would do any good. I am working on acceptance. I will come back to write about more stuff as I can. I have next to NO time to write when I am not interrupted…which makes it very hard to really get down inside to what is going on.

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2 comments

  1. Calm can be found in silence. Try making time to go within for at least a five-minute spell alone. Open to a feeling above the clutter of Life where Supreme Order reigns whether we face changes or not.

    Let blogging be recreation, not a requirement.

    michael j
    hard to follow his own advice some times.


    • Thanks, Michael. You are so caring!

      I can find the calm in the midst of the storm…but I am greedy. I also want time to write. In fact, finding that calm is some of what I want to write about!

      The biggest difficulty with concentration is that I am rarely truly alone. Even in those brief times when I am alone, an interruption is usually imminent. Unless my guys literally leave the property…I do not have uninterrupted alone time.

      I love reading my bible and just sitting with my L-rd. I talk to my heavenly Abba a lot. But I really miss those truly uninterrupted times. I grab what I can…a few minutes here and few minutes there, but I long for the long stretches of time. At this point, I mostly just try to be undistracted by all that is going on around me…no small task!

      Soon, though, that will hopefully change. Soon, we will hopefully have a place to live that actually has rooms! You know…the kind with doors that you can actually close! And, with that, will come privacy I do not have now. It will also bring the ability to be up after everyone else goes to bed…or before they get up! Either, or both, will do!

      I hear you about blogging. There are times when it has felt like a kind of responsibility. When that feeling starts to pop up, I have to address it. I have to look at it for what it is…a pressure that I do not need to take on.

      Mostly, though, it is something I really like. It helps me to get my thoughts out where others can see them…especially if they respond to them in some way.

      I enjoy writing…whether for one of my blogs (I have over 6) or just for myself. I also love commenting on others’ blogs…but just don’t have the time to get to others near as much as I would like. Some of that is due to everything taking so much longer than it should because I am interrupted so many times while doing it!

      I am just gonna keep on doing life and working the best I can with what I have. I am going to keep on trying to make things better…wherever it is in my power to do so.



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