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Each Day Moving Forward…

September 15, 2010

I don’t know how much time we have left in this world. I watch it getting worse and worse…and then I wonder…how serious are my problems…really. I do my best when I walk in the truth that this is NOT my real Home. My real Home comes after this world passes away. This is merely a shadow of what is to come…and for some of us…it is a very dark shadow.

Yet…the Creator has come to bring light into this darkness. He has come to bring love and healing…and a challenge. Recognizing who He is and choosing to follow Him comes with a price. There are those who reject Him and there are some who will reject me, also. Some will reject me because I am a broken imperfect person, but there are some who will reject me because I follow Him…because I will not compromise truth.

Personally…I don’t really think that most people are really rejecting Him. I think they are rejecting the caricature and false image of Him that has been taught in so many places and groups. It really makes me sad when I see how He is portrayed as something/someone He is not. So many people miss out on the blessing of really knowing Him because they have never been introduced to the REAL Him!

Another thing that makes a real difference in my life is when I sit with the One who made me…the One who knows me best…the One who became man and gave of Himself for me. That is one of the challenges of my living situation. I have not had any regular time alone to just sit with Him. But then I have to ask myself…how much do I really love Him? When we really love someone…don’t we make time to be with that person?

As I sit here I recognize that I really do not do all I can to spend time with Him…listening for His voice…reading and learning of Him…focusing my heart upon Him…drawing closer to Him. There are things in my life that make it harder to do all of that…things I can do nothing about. I can’t do much about my brain being in a fog…or about feeling a bit dizzy at times. I can’t do much about being unable to focus…about my mind swirling around. However, do I make the best use of the little snippets of time I have alone? He is my Creator. He loves me so much and has been here for me in so many ways. Do I really appreciate that? Do I show that appreciation?

It has been so long since I have lived in a situation that allowed me to spend regular time with Him and in His written words to me. Yet…I do talk to Him a lot. In fact, I am talking to Him even as I write these words. And He does speak to my heart. As I sit here thinking that I am failing to really do all I can to draw close to Him, He just puts His arms around my heart and reassures me that it is not about performance. It is about loving Him…and I do love Him…so much more than I can ever express.

I cannot show my love for Him in the same ways that others can, but why should I? I am not them! I am His unique creation…made in His image and filled with His Spirit. So I show my love for Him in ways that are uniquely gifted to me. Sometimes…loving Him can simply mean that I honor Him by not giving up. I keep fighting. I keep trying to do the right thing…even when I fall upon my face time after time. I aim at taking good care of this body that He has given me.

Hm…I just took a break to fold some clothes before I wrap up this post. I am listening to some beautiful music being played on PBN. Suddenly, I realized something. Sometimes the music in our lives is loud and we are dancing and singing to it. Other times it is a steady stream in the background. We are not focused on it, but it is there nonetheless.

It is the same in my life with the Creator. Sometimes I am focused directly and intently upon Him. He and I are dancing and singing and openly communicating. But oftentimes, He is the spiritual background music of my life…the love that is always there…the presence that is always with me…even when I am not really focusing directly on Him.

I want to have Him more up front in my life. Yet I am also grateful that He is faithful to never leave me or abandon me…even when He is not the upfront focus…even when flashbacks seem more real…even when my brain is too foggy to focus on anything…even when I cannot read His word…even when confusion seems to be reigning.

He is good. He is love. He is my true Abba…and my L-rd. His Spirit lives with me. Because of Him…I can live each day moving forward…even when it does not feel as if I am moving forward.

2 comments

  1. You know, I think our spiritual growth is a process. It is the way of our walk, here on Earth. We grow as we go, if that is our intent. Your faith radiates on your blog… and maybe part of your your meditations come when you write, or work on your art.

    I think there are many ways of praying. On days when I’m unfocused, I think I still carry a mindfulness of gratitude that is recognized and understood within the context of my DID. I mean, if the Creator does not know I have DID… yeah. You know what I mean.

    We all come to the Creator as we are, and we are known. Every time we come in earnest, we grow in strength of Spirit. Then, we find our footing on a path, and learn the path.

    I think our Creator gets that those who have DID travel many paths every day, none of them seemingly relevant to each other. We’re really not a surprise.

    You are loved, no matter what you might believe about yourself. That’s Grace, baby.

    You’re doing great! Asking such great questions of yourself will strengthen everything you already are. And that’s awesome. I think questions are a form of prayer…

    Be well.

    ~meredith.


    • It had better be a process! I sure know I have not “arrived”! lol Nor do I know anyone else who has, either!

      I agree…there are many ways or praying. I think that is why we are told to pray unceasingly. I think it is almost like breathing…our hearts are focused on G-d…even if our mind is not consciously focusing on Him.

      I had to laugh at your comment about the DID. Of course the Creator knows about it. That is who gave us that ability so that we could survive. It’s funny, though, how many times people don’t think in terms of G-d knowing everything. Yet, He does! And that is awesome! He knows all my “warts”…and still loves me. That is a real “wow” for me.

      I have struggled at times in my life with the idea of questioning G-d. I have learned that G-d is big enough to handle my questions…my doubts…my fears…even my anger! And yes…I do get strengthened when I work through the questions. Interesting thinking of questions as prayer…but then…if we think of prayer as a two way conversation with the Creator (which is how I define prayer)…then, naturally, asking questions IS a form of prayer!

      I believe in worshiping the Creator in everything I do…with my whole life. That means what I write…what I do…what I think…the art pieces I make…it is all a part of worship! And worship and prayer are connected…at least to my way of thinking, anyway. 🙂

      Ah…Grace…to soak in it and surround myself in it…to be filled with it. It can only come from Him.

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Meredith. I appreciate your coming by!



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