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Need Some Time…

February 19, 2011

Sometimes, I just wish I could sort of disappear for a while. It is not that anything is wrong…or that I am not OK. I am OK. I just need some recuperation time…or something. Not only have I been battling sickness, but I have been feeling a bit weary and overwhelmed for a while.

Some might say it is from trying to do too much. Actually, though, I am able to let go of some things…to accept my limitations and simply put some things off. I think it is the responsibilities that I am wanting to step away from for a bit. No…maybe it is more just the interruptions? I don’t know.

What is it that I want? That I wish I could have/do? Right now…I dream of being able to sit…alone…and just be. No one else around. No deadlines to meet. No feeling of responsibility. No online places to go. No email to read. No blogs to write. No type A personalities telling us what to do and talking to us in what feels like a demeaning manner. I will be SO glad when we no longer need anyone else to get into our house…when we are not pressured by someone’s expectations and schedules.

I would like about a week off…from life in general…or at least a few days…to just sit, read, sleep…do art…whatever I want/need to do…without interruptions…without expectations. No one needing me.

And yet…I enjoy being available to people. Maybe that also has something to do with how I feel. I am so drained that I feel I have nothing much to give anyone. Of course, I guess that is when I really know it has to be the L-rd in me that is giving through me…because I don’t have it on my own. It is funny. I can feel so drained and yet, when I respond to a need anyway, I am often a bit energized when I am done.

One of the things I really enjoy doing is supporting others. Yet, there is no way I can do that as much as I want. It is part of why I write here…which is another post I have been thinking about…why I blog. I want what I have experienced to help others. I hope that I can be a voice of hope to others.

I am very tired…in spite of sleeping a good part of the day. Being sick is very draining…along with some other things in life. I am going to bed.

2 comments

  1. sending you gentle hugs and rest in Yahweh!!



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