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Keeping Up With Life…

March 28, 2011

We have run into obstacle after obstacle in trying to get the house to a livable condition. Yet, every time something comes up Yahweh supplies the answer. The provision comes. The fix comes. The help comes. Sometimes from the most unexpected places.

Life happens and G-d provides. I just keep walking through it. Some days are fairly smooth for me. Some days…like right now…I feel as if I can hardly even concentrate enough to write this post. Yet…I just keep plugging along. In fact, that is how I have gotten through many years of my life…just persistent plugging along…taking it one day at a time…and even one breath at a time.

Yahweh is good. He kept me alive…kept me going. He did not let me give up. He did not let me take my life. He did not let me go in psych ward. He helped me watch over my children. He strengthened me and helped me to grow. He protected me in SO many ways!

Why? Why did He do that? Is it because I am someone special? I really don’t think so…certainly no more than anyone else. Maybe it is because I so much weaker than many others. Perhaps I would not have survived a psych ward…or a suicide attempt. I know others have gone through things that I really do not think I would have made it through.

Or…perhaps my children would not have survived if I was not there on some level for them. I don’t know. I do know, though, that my children were a very strong motivation for me to stick around. I wanted to protect them in any way I could.

I can speculate all I want as to why I have had to experience some really bad things…and yet been delivered/protected from others. I only know that He is faithful…faithful to get me through it and faithful to bless me in it. There are those moments in time when He touched me so deeply that I thought I could barely survive that! From darkness to glory He has been there for me and with me. He is why I live and breathe.

So…now I am trying to keep up with life. That means not keeping up with everything I would like to…but that is OK. It is not that some things and people are less important…it is simply a lack of time and energy.

I am becoming stronger and finding ways to find some more balance in my life. Right now…I am still juggling some things. I am learning to be true to who I am created to be…learning to figure out what to juggle and what to simply let go of. I don’t know about others…but that is no easy task for me. It can be downright challenging.

All of my life, I was to subordinate to others…to put their needs first. Even after all these years…I am STILL learning how to pick and choose when to put myself first. I am also still learning when those times are. I do not want to be selfish…always putting me first. I just want to take good care of myself. It is better to do a few things well than to do many things shoddily.

 

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2 comments

  1. it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world to have to be in a psych ward you know. God created doctors to care for people. A ward made me feel safe when i was at my worst. I didn’t want to be there either but i don’t regret it.


    • I appreciate your sharing that, crystal. Thank you!

      Please forgive me if I gave the impression that I do not think psych wards can be very helpful places. I know MANY people who have been in psych wards. Although some have had nightmare experiences, most of them have been helped tremendously…and even continue to be helped tremendously.

      I knew when I wrote it that I took a chance of sounding like I am against psych wards, but I was not sure…in the moment…how to change what I was writing. As I wrote in the post…“Some days…like right now…I feel as if I can hardly even concentrate enough to write this post.” 🙂

      I will probably either edit something in and/or write something new to clarify…when I have the chance. I am just checking in here quickly while on my way out the door. There is a little bit of a story behind what I wrote and I will share more when I can. When I wrote that it is not something He “let” me do…I did not mean to impugn that psych wards are bad places. I will write more on that because I think it is important!



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