I’m Here…

April 11, 2011

…and I am doing life. Want an update? OK…here goes:

We are much closer to moving into the house.

Our cat has had kittens.

My MIL asked me about my mother.

My wedding anniversary is coming up.

My birthday is coming up…the anniversary of my sister’s death.

Mother’s Day is coming up.

Father’s Day is coming up.

I am being challenged as a parent and as a home educator.

My laptop has been doing goofy things.

I am trying to encourage others while feeling kind of drained myself. I am OK…just feeling tired. I want to hide out for a while. I don’t really want to read or go to forums…yet I do want to know how others are doing. I don’t want to make the effort to connect…yet I want to be connected. I can feel emotional pain in my gut. There are tears in my eyes.

I am feeling kind of non-functional right now…just sitting here listening to worship music and letting myself soak in it. The smallness of our place is felt…but the hope of more space is also there. It is SO close.

There is so much I want to do…to write…yet I feel so lethargic. I want to  curl up in a cozy, soft chair…but we have none. The couch is threadbare and the wires can be felt where the padding has worn out. The cushion on my chair is gone. Hubby’s chair is the best, but it is still not all that great. I long for a long soak in a big bathtub, too…or to just lay all spread out on a bed.

The time is coming…hopefully within a week or two. Now that we have running water, I can start to clean up the place in prep for moving in. But I cannot live in tomorrow. I must live in today…and today…I must be content…or I will drive myself even nuttier than I already am.

Life is actually good. I cannot complain. I have all I need…even if not all I want. I trust the Creator to meet all my needs. If there is something I am not getting…it is because He is working something out in me or in another. I choose to trust Him…no matter what. He has proven Himself to be faithful to me.

So I will keep putting one foot in front of the other. I will keep on moving forward…not letting myself fall back. I will rest when I need to rest. I will cry when I need to cry. I will feel when I need to feel.


  1. I think you’re well within the core of good reason for being tearful and tired. You have a lot of things going on, and sometimes it just wears a body out.

    Big hugs. I’ll send a smile when I look to the south in the mornings.

    I’m glad you wrote to let us know what’s happening.

    • And I will send one back.

      Thanks, Meredith.

  2. I know how you feel. I’ve had 3 days off of work and I barely cleaned my apartment and got a few things done. In between I did some stuff for a test at work and saw my therapist and kinda did some of the work she has suggested. I think I will fail the test…just can’t remember anything I studied this week.

    • Hi, sojourner. Boy, I hate it when my brain just does not seem to be working and I cannot remember what I need to remember. I hope you did OK on the test! I have learned to do what I can do and leave the rest. And breathe!!!

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