It Would Be Nice If…

May 19, 2012

It would be nice if we were in the world to come and tears would no longer be flowing…or at least not tears of sorrow. I don’t mind tears of joy, but I am tired of tears for seemingly no reason…or tears of grief. My heart is so heavy and I am not completely sure why.

It could be the inhumanity to humankind that I see people perpetrating against one another.

It could be the hateful words I see being thrown around.

It could be the news of my mother followed by a sense of betrayal and being used by someone with whom I thought I was building a friendship.

It could be a bunch of things. I just know that I am deeply grieving and hurting.


  1. Well bless your heart…

    Some days can be so hard, so hurtful to get through. Hate is so powerful, so destructive. Maybe once the hot tears are finished flowing, you’ll cry with relief and the hateful things won’t feel so abrasive.

    I think your studies and dedication are remarkable, and that’s where I intended to leave a comment… but this seemed like a better place to leave a note, for now.

    You know you’re just right, don’t you? Good! ❤

    • You made me smile…both times I read this. I saw it first in email format and then here when I logged in.

      Thank you, dear Meredith.

      I know I am where I am supposed to be…as uncomfortable as that can be at times. I was able to work out the friendship…or at least deal with how things appeared…which is good. We are communicating again.

      I am still feeling the grief. It will take a long time, I am told, for the grief to get “better”…whatever that means. The ironic thing is that when I took the group on grief about my mother I did not know that she was already dead. I do have the book. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to read it again.

  2. Sometimes, we have a lot to grieve through before getting to physical death and grief. When my father died, he was not part of my life. I have only begun to grieve the loss of my grandparents (who I never saw once once this week… after seeing my own grandson for the first time. The tears flood as I write, but it took seeing my little guy, who looks just like me, to suddenly feel the loss of generations.

    So. Life is full of surprises. Grief can be very surprising, but it’s so-o-o-o-o healthy… even when it hurts and hurts and hurts.

    • Aw, hon. I hope you found some solace in those tears.

      “The loss of generations”…that is so poignant…and so huge. And yeah…sometimes it can hurt and hurt and hurt.

      Offering you hugs.

  3. 😉 thank you. I loved my grandparents very much. My comment got a little confused in the middle, but I meant to say I never saw my grandparents once I confronted my father, and so the last ten or so years of their life were something I never knew. When I saw my grandson, and he looks just like me (surprised!), I suddenly saw the generations I’d never been part of, before. It’s such an amazing experience. It’s so beautiful to see my son, who shares my family’s features, hold his son–who’s so genetically stocked with family features, his mom said she just showed up to make him (smile. this is cute, but not true), and I am the grandparent of this legacy. WOW!

    • You made me laugh. Thank you for your positive words here. I figured that was what you meant, but it is nice that you clarified it. 🙂 You go, Grandma!

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