What can I say?

May 2, 2013

I have so many emotions that run through me. I am angry at what my son, flesh of my flesh, has done…all the people hurt…lives turned upside down.  I want to write here, but I lose my words. I start to put down some semblance of thoughts, but then I just stare at it and wonder why I should even bother to try to write or post what I have written.

My heart is breaking and some days I find myself fighting tears most of the day. I keep doing life, but it is not the same. My only real comfort is my Creator. I know who I am in Him. I know His unconditional love. Someday, all evil will be gone. And I wonder…who will really be left standing in the end?  Who will have chosen good, forsaking evil and turning to the Creator?

I am fighting to move back to some semblance of “normal”…at least my “normal”. I get triggered more easily now. I gotta go finish my Shabbat bread, but I am going to go ahead and post this. If it makes no sense to anyone, oh well. If it does make sense, I hope I hear from someone. Please give me a reason to not keep all my thoughts in my private journal. Please give me a reason to write here. Anyone?


  1. My heart goes out to you….hurt from family, especially one so close goes deep. Praying you can find the time to reach out…to Yeshua, to someone who listens and understands everything no matter what the rest of us say or do.

  2. Keep pushing yourself. You will find peace and happiness in your life again. Don’t be afraid to use your voice to reclaim your life. Hang in there-it gets easier.

    • Thank you. As a survivor myself, I have reclaimed a lot of voice. This is a huge bump in the road and I am making my way through it. If it were not for my relationship with my Creator…with Yeshua…I would be a complete basket case. It is possible to have some peace…some Shalom…even in the midst of grieving.

      I am grateful that the initial shock has died down, but this is an ongoing situation. And that makes it harder.

  3. Your thoughts are beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

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