Did not think it through enough…

July 23, 2015

I did not think through enough my invitation to my father. Did not discuss it enough. Even though my son brought it up and I did ask if he was sure, we should have talked more about how it would/could all play out. My son had to give a speech and it put him on the spot because he wanted to talk about his other grandparents who could not be there. It was awkward for him.

He brought things to give me. I could feel obligated to move forward in the relationship with him because of that. However, I did some good self-talking and processing. He chose to bring those things. I did not ask him to. I had asked a long time ago for one thing and he refused. This was his choice. I am grateful, but not indebted. Cults are all about indebtedness. They want us to owe them something…or at least feel as if we do. That is one way to keep us bound.

The timing of things was interesting. His wife leaving him and his apology. Is it possible I was tricked into inviting him? Maybe? I could have tricked myself for wanting some “family” member besides us to be at a special event for our son. But he is not really a “family” member. He is related by blood, but that does not make “family”…not real family.

I will NOT (edited in…hmmm) accept any strings…intentional or unintentional…connected to the visit or any of the things he brought to give me. I am free to choose to continue this connection or not and to define the connection on my terms. You cannot treat me like dirt and then ignore me for over a decade and expect a whole lot from an apology. I have given a huge gift. It is enough.

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