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Where Have I Been?

March 25, 2020

I finally came back to this blog and was surprised to see I had comments to approve. Not sure why I didn’t receive notifications telling me. So, where have I been?

Well, life has been happening. Our youngest son is still estranged from me, but is talking to his father. So, that is a positive. I have gotten back into recovery rooms. That is a positive. I got back in with 28 years of sobriety and now sponsor women.

Overall, I have been doing well, but last October I did get triggered very badly. I cannot believe what some people think are appropriate or good decorations. I mean, come on. Who in their right mind thinks some guy dangling a baby upside down over a big can of some kind is a good thing?

Now, you would think I would have been smart. There is a road along the river that suddenly curves around a corner and there was the display. It kind of smacked you in the face. I noticed it, but didn’t really get triggered by it. I just thought it was disgusting. But, I did not think to remember it being there and to turn left at the street prior. It was just a minor blip the first time.

The second time, though, I had forgotten about it and that time it really smacked me in the face. I went to the store and, in the parking lot, called the guy, but that call was almost as triggering as the display. He told me no one had complained except a guy in an apartment across the street who said the screaming was too loud. I am so glad I saw it when it was turned off. I think it might have been moving, but I did not hear anything that I can recall. After that, I went to a recovery meeting and spent almost the whole meeting trying to get grounded. I was shaking inside so badly.

I don’t recall the last time I got so triggered. I mean, this was really bad. People who have not lived what SRA survivors have lived have zero comprehension. However, you would think the average ordinary person would be turned off and disgusted by such a display anyway. I have to wonder about the people who make such things, who sell such things and who display such things. What is so broken in them that they really think this is good? Maybe, they are also survivors. And maybe, they don’t know it, yet. I was amnesic about that part of my life for many years.

I don’t know how often I will be writing here. I plan on starting a sister blog on recovery. But I will try to keep up more with this one, too. I really need another writing outlet anyway.

There probably aren’t many people reading this blog any more, but if anyone still is, I’d love to hear from you. Leave a comment and I will try to get this conversation going again.

Oh, as far as having DID… I have not had any solid indications of not being blended for a very long time. There were some things that happened after the triggering, but I talked with my “former” therapist about them and she told me new research indicates it might just be the brain healing itself. More on that later, if I can. It’s been awhile since I talked with her, so I have to remember the conversation.

5 comments

  1. Welcome back.

    Just in time to deal with the Corona Virus. Now that’s what I call great timing!


    • Thanks. It is actually possible I have a fairly mild case of it. I am finally on Day 3 of antibiotics after being sick for about a month. I tried natural remedies, including Oil of Oregano which is one of the strongest natural antibiotics you can take. Nothing helped.


    • How are you doing?


      • I have been frustrated with all the cancellations of meetings, doctor appointments and the closings of my gym and library but other than that I am doing fine. I walk at least two miles a day and try to keep up with my to-do list. I also stopped watching the news and that’s quite an achievement for a news-junkie.

        My son moved back in with his wife, her two previous children and had two more. It’s a full house and tough on privacy but a joy to play with the 2 and. Half year old boy.

        Let’s hope things will get better for everyone in the next several months. Writing can always help!


        • Yes, it can help! Your house is filling and ours is down to just the two of us. I live in the middle of G-D’s nowhere and am used to being somewhat isolated. That did change a year ago when I started going back into recovery meetings. But now I am attending more online than I have been able to attend in person.



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