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It’s finally time…

August 17, 2021

I knew this day would come. Things finally starting building up and I guess I am in a safe enough place to handle it. I find myself having more flashback snippets and triggers. Recently, I had a scare when my supervisor asked me if I was having time lapses. I truly did not believe I was losing time and was scrambling to explain why I did not remember something he said happened.

He was correct. The conversation happened. I could see the evidence. As it turns out, there was a very logical explanation involving someone using two different first names…the legal one and the nickname. All is well. I did not lose any time. But it scared the heck out of me. The only times I really know of losing time I was being accessed. So, just the thought that I could have had that happen to me, especially with me not knowing it, scared me. It took days to get over it and it left a lingering faint question in the back of my mind.

I had been wanting someone to process my life with and thought I had someone, but it turned out to not be the case. But when this happened, I just had to try again. I ended up calling a connection I have at an organization that helps survivors of domestic and/or sexual violence. We had talked before about it, but now I really needed to get that ball rolling.

I told her what had happened and she totally understood and said she would reach out to her team to see what would be the best way to work it out. So, now it is arranged. I will be meeting with someone from the office farther away. That is to avoid any potential awkwardness between me and the local people due to my transparency. I don’t think it would have been an issue, but I am just grateful for the help.

There are three ladies who work together on a podcast and they had already asked me to be a guest. We just have not figured out the topic, yet. Maybe this will bring out an idea. I don’t know. I just know I am on pins and needles and trying to live my life and do my job at the same time.

So, this Friday is the big day.

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