Archive for the ‘connections’ Category


"Don’t Know What to Think" or "Losses vs. Changes"

June 18, 2008

I really don’t know what to think. During some recent events, I had someone that I had previously trusted very deeply write some things to me that really caught my attention. There was something about the wording that “felt” almost as if this person were trying to tap into my programming on some level. I truly doubt that it was a conscious thing. Nonetheless, I kept getting that feeling.

As I looked at what was happening…the circumstances surrounding the “conversation”…there were things that just were not adding up. There were things that were not making sense. I am sure that it did not help that I got a dream later on where there was an element in the dream that seemed to relate a bit to what it felt like this person was trying to do.

I hate to think it, let alone write it, but I have to admit that I am a bit wary of that person now. It is someone I have loved for a long time…and considered to be a friend for a long time. I still love this person. That will not change. I would like to think that we are still friends, however, I would say that the nature of our relationship has changed to the degree that I am not sure that “friend” is a label that still applies. That would have to come from both sides and since there is no communication going on right now…well, that does make it kind of difficult for it to be anything.

I guess you could say that I am going through a kind of grieving right now. There are huge changes in the air and I am facing even more “losses”. So, I am feeling the loss of what I thought was a friendship, as well as some possible future losses.

In reality, I really should think of it just as changes…not losses. However, it “feels” like losses. Life always brings changes…all kinds of changes…including changes in our connections with others. New ones come in…old ones move on. My connections with more than one person have changed recently…for different reasons. Some of it is just the natural course of life. Some of it is from choices…theirs or mine or both. Some of it is necessary. *sigh*

One thing never changes…Yahweh. His love is constant. His presence is constant. I cannot hide from Him…nor can anyone else hide me from Him. He is always there…loving me…even when I struggle to love myself…even when I struggle to receive love from others…even when others struggle to give love to me. He is always there.

%d bloggers like this: