Archive for the ‘embarrassment’ Category

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Yay! Angela Shelton for MacKenzie Phillips!

September 29, 2009

I am so proud of Angela Shelton! She spoke up for MacKenzie Phillips. MacKenzie has been taking a lot of flack for coming out and talking about how her father raped her over a period of years. See: High on Arrival – MacKenzie Phillips

It is tough enough for those who have been raped and abused to speak out. When it is a parent who does it…it is even harder. Harder for the child to accept it themselves and harder to share it. When that parent is high profile…rich and famous…and even beloved…it becomes even harder! The last thing these victims need is to be ridiculed and their integrity questioned.

So…yay, Angela. Thank you for speaking up. Somebody needed to. People need to wake up.

One of the things, too, that MacKenzie is taking flack for is her use of the term “consensual” once she turned 18.  Well…that is not surprising. When a child is raped by their parent…and that is exactly what it is…rape…the child is in a position of subservience to the parent. It is very difficult for a child to believe that a parent is evil or bad. A child takes on the idea that they have to be somehow at fault…that they somehow enticed or wanted it or???

The child is being groomed to be a “mistress” aka “sex slave” to the parent. This does not suddenly shut off at 18. In the mind of the child, it can seem consensual because of the age…but that does not make it so. Once groomed to be a sex slave, it continues until something happens to break the cycle. That something can come from within the child/now adult…or it can come from without. The parent might suddenly stop or someone else might find out and bring it to a halt. Any way you look at it…it is NOT consensual. It is merely the extension of a relationship that was based in rape and NOT consensual.

If a child is part of a ritual abuse family or group, going beyond 18 can be the norm. Or, even if it stops as a teen, it can be resumed later on as an adult. The child is groomed from an incredibly young age…oftentimes starting in infancy. It is not difficult for the parent (or other adult) to trigger the mental conditioning aka programming to get the person back under their control…and yes…even to the point of having sex with them.

I wish people would stop believing that people just cannot do these kinds of things. They can…and they do! It is time to bring this stuff out of the shadows and stop judging those who are brave enough to bring it into the light.

Go, MacKenzie! Go, Angela!

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Secrets

March 1, 2008

We all have secrets…all of us!

The way I see it, there are different kinds of secrets.

One kind consists of things you don’t want anyone, ever, to know about. These are the ones you want to take to your grave…the ones you are absolutely determined that NO one in this life will ever hear.

Another kind consists of things that you don’t want everyone to know, but you will share them with one really trusted person…or maybe even two. Chances are, if you have several of this kind of secret, you may have shared all of them at least once, but probably not with the same person.

Then there are the kind that you are OK with sharing in a trusted small group. You hope that they will keep it within the group. Or, you share them with one other person because you can see that they have gone through something similar and so you dare to take the risk.

Then there are those that you are willing to share on a larger level…say at a retreat, a conference or a luncheon, as a speaker. These are not so secret as you know it may get around. Of course, if you write a book about it, it isn’t really a secret anymore! Although, there are some who do write anonymously.

These secrets consist of basically two kinds of things…those that are done BY us and those that are done TO us. We are ashamed or embarrassed about the things we have done…things we believe will cause others to reject us or look down on us. But isn’t it amazing that we can have those same feelings about things done TO us? I mean…why is that? We oftentimes have no control over things done TO us!

Why is it that a woman who is raped is ashamed to say anything? Or a child who is molested, even once he/she grows up, is ashamed to say anything about it? I believe a lot of it is the lies we were told when it happened. The predator, the rapist, the molester, the beater…they all tell the victim that it is the victim’s fault. We take on that lie and believe that there must have been something we could have done to stop it…or to prevent it. It does not matter that they were bigger than us…or stronger than us…or that they were a group…or had a weapon or…fill in the blank. What is even worse is that society will often tell us the same lie. *sigh*

How many times has a victim, regardless of age, been made to feel as if they are the guilty one? As if they somehow made it happen? Or allowed it to happen? The victim is given a power they do not really have, which actually strips them many times of the power they should have to heal…the power they should be receiving from getting support and from seeing the real guilty party called into justice.

So…what do we do with our secrets? How do we know what to share? Or how to share? And who do we trust with our secrets? Do we keep them? Or do we become open and transparent about our life experiences? How do we receive healing if we never say anything about them? How do we walk in the realization that there are those who will love us no matter what we have done or gone through?

I hope to look at some of these questions in this blog.

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