Archive for the ‘evil’ Category

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Living Life in the Face of Nastiness…

March 30, 2012

There are people in life who are simply nasty. They are mean, disrespectful and really don’t care how what they do affects others. When confronted with such people, we have choices to make. We can either react to them, wherein we lose ourselves by allowing them to control our lives and determine how we will live. Or, we can respond to them, wherein we maintain our own autonomy and integrity and choose how we shall live. I prefer the latter. That is my choice.

When I am confronted by nasty negative people I choose to remember that I, too, have had my “moments” of being nasty or ugly. It may not have been intentional. I may not have even been aware of how I was coming across. Or, I may have realized it as it was happening, but did not know how to “fix” it. Or maybe there was no fix…the damage was already done. Any way you look at it, I have had a negative impact on others at times in my life. So, I believe it is worthwhile to remain humble toward others, recognizing that I am certainly not perfect, either!

I also try to remember that everyone is the way they are for a reason. For good or bad, we have all had negative and positive experiences in life that have helped to shape us into what we are today. Sometimes, the balance between positive and negative was fairly even overall. But for some of us, one heavily outweighed the other.

For those whose positive experiences heavily outweighed the negative it can be difficult to understand those of who whose lives were the opposite. We may fumble where they do not. We may react to things that do not faze them one bit. I think it is good when each person can believe another’s story and try to imagine living in that reality. It can help us to be more empathetic toward others.

For those of us who weigh heavily on the negative, and some even in the extreme, it can be difficult to imagine life without that. We see the way others live and struggle to comprehend how they can do that. It just isn’t even on our radar.

Thankfully, though, there can be some good experiences even in the midst of craziness and evil, that give us some positive skills for life. For me, knowing my Creator made a HUGE difference. It is part of what helped to shape me and, I think, to temper how the abuse affected me.

I still deal with the physical effects of trauma brain and I can still experience flashbacks that are part of PTSD and getting  triggered.  However, I have learned over the years how to cope and work around the aftereffects. I know what I can do and what I cannot do and I no longer feel guilt or shame over what I cannot do…even when others do not understand. It is frustrating at times when people look less favorably upon me for what I cannot do. They cannot comprehend how even the simplest of things can be overwhelming at times. But I have learned to live with that and simply accept that there are things they simply do not know and, even if they did, might not be able to understand.

Life is good…even when it is hard. I am OK with that. My heavenly Abba/Father/true Daddy walks with me. So does my Messiah…Yeshua. Their Ruach/Spirit lives within me and that strengthens and comforts me…especially when life is hard.

I refuse to give up. I refuse to hold grudges. I refuse to not forgive. I choose to walk in freedom with my head held high…even when I am shaking inside.

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Thoughts on the Time of Year

October 25, 2008

What a time! I love the Autumn. It is my favorite season…on the outside. On the inside, I hate this time of year. I know what happens at the end of October and I hate it!

Most of the time I can push it to the back of my mind and heart. Yet…it always comes up. Somewhere, somehow, the thought of the children comes to mind…and I find myself fighting tears and lifting up a prayer for them.

What do I pray for? Well, I would like to think He would stop the whole hideous thing, but I know that is not realistic. It is not because God is not big enough, or strong enough, to stop it. It is because He is bound by His own rules. He gave us humans the ability to choose between good and evil, between doing what is right and doing what is wrong. Gentleman that He is, He won’t go back on His word. We were given choice and until He comes back and removes evil once and for all, we will have people committing evil acts.

So, no, I don’t really pray for Him to stop it…at least not very strongly. I do pray for Him to intervene. I pray for Him to protect the hearts and souls of those who will have to endure this time. I pray for Him to protect them from the pain and to take them quickly home. I pray for supernatural comfort to the victims.

I also pray for Him to open the eyes of the good people who are too afraid to take a real and serious look at what is going on around them. For those who are willing to see, I pray that He will open their hearts and give them courage to take a stand. Yet, I hold out little hope for that happening.

If people won’t even take a stand to stop the culture of death we can see so openly, how can I expect them to work to stop the hidden deaths? When people, including babies, are “legally” sacrificed through abortion and through starvation in the “medical” system on the altar of convenience and money…right out in the open, how can there be concern for the children and people being sacrificed in hidden rituals? They are all being sacrificed…whether openly or in secret and the temporary prince and ruler of this earth is laughing at the stupid humans who are serving him through these (and other) practices.

My heart always breaks when I think of these things. However, this time of year I am more keenly aware of it all. It is a reminder to me that this is not my true home. My true home in with God in His kingdom. What is to come after all this ugliness is a beauty so incredible that those who have seen it and come back are unable to adequately describe it. That is what I long for.

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What’s It All About?

October 3, 2008

I guess it’s the time of year that keeps making me struggle with sadness. I know what is going on…and what is coming up. Anyone who has been through SRA knows exactly what I am talking about.

However, I have a purpose and a calling…to love, honor and glorify my Creator. It is important that I not allow anything to interfere with that. All of my life contributes to that on some level…even my history. Without Him, I would have never survived.

I was blessed with a very real heart connection with Yeshua/Jesus at a very young age, so I had the comfort of that connection with Him through it all. I truly do not believe I would have survived it any other way. Without His help…without His presence and strength and protection…I would not be here.

Then again, I would be with Him in a far better place…which goes back to my calling and purpose. I was allowed to survive and live for a reason. Even if it is only as a testimony to the fact that He is real and got me through it…that is enough. However, I think there is more to it than that. I believe He wants me to reach out to others who have been through it…to encourage them in any way that I can.

I know there are some who would read this and get very angry, especially when I talk of protection. I understand…and I do want to address that issue…very soon. Should I forget, anyone reading this is welcome to comment on it or email me at the above address on my page to remind me.

Right now, though, I recognize that my purpose is not about me. It is about my Creator. He brought all this into existence for a reason. I am part of that reason. He wanted a people who would love Him…not by force as puppets who had no choice…but out of choice simply because of who He is.

He is the Creator. If for no other reason, He deserves to be loved and worshiped and glorified for that one. I know…again…there are some who will be angry at that, too, because they ascribe the evil and wickedness in this world to either an impotent God or an angry, unloving God. In reality, it all comes from the rebellion of humankind to live according to His ways. It was people who destroyed the perfect world He created with their rebellion.

Yet, knowing they would do that, He created us all anyway. Why? Love. The truth is, we have all messed up so badly…each of us in our own way…none of us is perfect…that we all deserve to be obliterated. He does not do that, though. Why? Love. He is giving us chance after chance to do things His way…to recognize how very broken and fallen we really are and turn to Him for help. Not help for our own purposes and heart desires, but real help…help to live according to the good ways He has laid out for us.

I am trying to find my way in all of that. How can I love Him more? How can I live my life in such a way as to glorify Him more? How can I live my life to help and love others more? See…I don’t see life as being about me…but about Him. He is the Creator…I am merely the created. Yet, being merely the created…I am also the apple of His eye and the object of His love. All who are truly His children are.

Before I became His child, I was the object of His wrath. Clearly, though, He did not want it to be so. That is why He gave us His Son Yeshua/Jesus, so that, through what He did, we could move from being objects of wrath to being objects of love…as it was in the beginning.

People don’t like the idea of an angry God. Well, I don’t know about you, but I get angry when I see evil. If I had created a good creature, placed it in a beautiful perfect place, enjoyed sweet fellowship it, laid only one rule for it, and then had it turn and rebel against me, I think I would be very sad…and very angry at the evil behind that rebellion.

I don’t see His wrath as being against me…but actually for me. He wants what is best for me…not what is evil. By rebelling, I am choosing evil. When Adam and Eve rebelled, they chose evil. Anything that goes against the loving, perfect Creator is evil. Anything that goes against one of His…goes against Him.

Yes…I see even His anger as a sign of His ultimate love.

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