Archive for the ‘heart connections’ Category

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Living Life in the Face of Nastiness…

March 30, 2012

There are people in life who are simply nasty. They are mean, disrespectful and really don’t care how what they do affects others. When confronted with such people, we have choices to make. We can either react to them, wherein we lose ourselves by allowing them to control our lives and determine how we will live. Or, we can respond to them, wherein we maintain our own autonomy and integrity and choose how we shall live. I prefer the latter. That is my choice.

When I am confronted by nasty negative people I choose to remember that I, too, have had my “moments” of being nasty or ugly. It may not have been intentional. I may not have even been aware of how I was coming across. Or, I may have realized it as it was happening, but did not know how to “fix” it. Or maybe there was no fix…the damage was already done. Any way you look at it, I have had a negative impact on others at times in my life. So, I believe it is worthwhile to remain humble toward others, recognizing that I am certainly not perfect, either!

I also try to remember that everyone is the way they are for a reason. For good or bad, we have all had negative and positive experiences in life that have helped to shape us into what we are today. Sometimes, the balance between positive and negative was fairly even overall. But for some of us, one heavily outweighed the other.

For those whose positive experiences heavily outweighed the negative it can be difficult to understand those of who whose lives were the opposite. We may fumble where they do not. We may react to things that do not faze them one bit. I think it is good when each person can believe another’s story and try to imagine living in that reality. It can help us to be more empathetic toward others.

For those of us who weigh heavily on the negative, and some even in the extreme, it can be difficult to imagine life without that. We see the way others live and struggle to comprehend how they can do that. It just isn’t even on our radar.

Thankfully, though, there can be some good experiences even in the midst of craziness and evil, that give us some positive skills for life. For me, knowing my Creator made a HUGE difference. It is part of what helped to shape me and, I think, to temper how the abuse affected me.

I still deal with the physical effects of trauma brain and I can still experience flashbacks that are part of PTSD and getting  triggered.  However, I have learned over the years how to cope and work around the aftereffects. I know what I can do and what I cannot do and I no longer feel guilt or shame over what I cannot do…even when others do not understand. It is frustrating at times when people look less favorably upon me for what I cannot do. They cannot comprehend how even the simplest of things can be overwhelming at times. But I have learned to live with that and simply accept that there are things they simply do not know and, even if they did, might not be able to understand.

Life is good…even when it is hard. I am OK with that. My heavenly Abba/Father/true Daddy walks with me. So does my Messiah…Yeshua. Their Ruach/Spirit lives within me and that strengthens and comforts me…especially when life is hard.

I refuse to give up. I refuse to hold grudges. I refuse to not forgive. I choose to walk in freedom with my head held high…even when I am shaking inside.

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Evaluating Connections

September 29, 2008

I’ve been taking a look at my life and at my connections to other people. I think it is time to take a look at what connections are strong and what ones are weak…and why. Which ones build up and which ones tear down…in either direction.

I don’t want to be someone who tears anyone down, even inadvertantly. Nor do I wish to be torn down…naturally. I don’t want to be someone who disappoints others, either. Realistically, though, that is going to happen…the disappointment anyway. I certainly don’t set out to tear anyone, although, that does not mean that someone cannot “perceive” it that way.

I only have so much time and energy and I am realizing that I am not spending enough of what I do have with the One person who means the absolute most to me…or who should mean the most anyway. If time spent is an indication of priorities, then this One does not have the right priority in my life.

That is a lot of what I am working on right now. I have to spend time doing life. There is no way around that. However, I also need to take time with my Creator…Yeshua/Jesus. The more I do that, the easier it gets to make it through life. Notice…I did NOT write “easy”. Nope, life is very difficult for me, especially with my living situation. I just know that, without Him, I am dust. I just cannot do this life. It keeps throwing me too many curve balls and those closest to me are simply not enough to keep me going…not in this situation.

So…back to friendships…to heart connections. Who tears me down? Who lifts me up? Am I tearing anyone down, however subtly or inadvertantly? Am I lifting others up? Who gives me strength? Who drains me? Is there anyone I should try to reconnect with? Is there anyone I should let go of? Who can I best support? Who should I not try to support? Who helps me grow? Who hinders my growth? Who can I help grow? Whose growth do I hinder?

These are some of the questions I am asking the Holy Spirit to show me the answers to. They are too big for me to answer myself, however, I need to be open to receive the answers. I need to be open to whatever those answers are. Perhaps, some of those answers may help to make life less overwhelming?

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