Seeing Deceptions

Seeing so much deception in the world can be very disheartening. Yet, there is an upside to it, too. Yep, an upside. It makes me more grateful than ever that I can see as clearly as I can. Am I saying I cannot be deceived? No. But I am saying that I know the One who is never deceived and He gives me insight as to what is really going on in the world.

I am grateful for the Creator’s Word…both the written and the Living. I am grateful for His Spirit that lives inside me, leading me and guiding me even when I am not aware of it and helping me to understand His written word…the bible. I am grateful for His Messiah who took care of the problem of darkness within me…my own evil and propensity to do wrong things.

There are those who have wronged me in the past. I have forgiven them. There are those who, I believe, are wronging me in the present. I forgive them. Does that mean I am unaffected? No. But the effects are lessened by the understanding the Spirit gives me.

When I look at the world through the eyes of my Creator, I see a lost world. The greatest darkness and deception are not from those in the world toward the rest of us. No, it is a deception that the deceivers themselves are caught up in. And that causes me to pity them.

Those attempting (and being very successful with many) to deceive us are themselves deceived. They do not see the Truth about the bigger plan our Creator has for this world. They think they are gaining power and have wealth to make them better than the rest of us, but they only have and do what they are allowed by our Creator to have and do.

Our Creator has a bigger plan of redemption for this world. He will make it brand new. But before that time, there will continue to be a battle between Light and dark, between Good and evil, between our spiritual adversary and us. But I know who wins. In the end, it is US through the Spirit of our Creator. Messiah has ALREADY won the battle over death and sin, but we need to walk that out in our lives.

I truly wish I did a much better job of that, but I am entrusting my spiritual well-being to my Creator. He knows my frame and that I am merely dust. Yet, He takes that dust and raises up out of it human beings made in His image. He makes beauty and love and all good things possible.

I cannot choose what happens to me in life, but I CAN choose my response to it. And I choose to worship my Creator and to walk in His ways as best I can out of love and gratitude and respect for Who He is.

So, when I see all the deceptions and I am tempted to be frustrated…or worse, afraid…I look to Him. I am comforted by the prophecies where He has spelled out for us what has happened, is happening now and will happen. I do not need to fear the future. He holds that in His capable hands. I need not fear the now, for He is working something good out of it.

I see the Light shining in the midst of the darkness. I see Messiah Yeshua (Jesus) coming. I also see a time of great trouble on the horizon before He comes back. But I know I am OK in the here and now. And I will be OK in the midst of the coming troubles because He will be here with me. Yeshua promised to never leave or forsake us and He is not a liar.

What is healing…

I am not really sure what healing looks like. I think it is different for each person. After years of looking at it, I still don’t have a solid definition, but I can share with you some things that sure look like healing for me.

Healing Is

Healing is being able to laugh…even in the midst of pain.

Healing is being able to cry…even when others are around.

Healing is being able to somewhat identify what I am feeling,
and hopefully…even being able to have an idea of WHY I am feeling it.

Healing is knowing when I need to decompress,
being able to identify safe places to decompress,
and then…doing it.

Healing is being able to sense whether a person or place is safe
And then being able to keep myself safe.

Healing is being able to find joy in life.

Healing is being able to see good things…even when bad things are happening.

Healing is being able to have gratitude for what I do have
rather than bemoaning what I don’t.

Healing is being able to be productive in some way every day
even if I am the only one who recognizes it.

Healing is being able to take a step forward,
no matter how tiny
and even if it is only in my heart.

Healing is being able to face some aspect of my past…without completely crumbling.

Healing is being able to recognize that some part of my history,
no matter how small or big,
no longer has a hold on me.

Healing is being able to make plans…and know that they might actually happen!

Healing is being able to say that I made it through
another minute,
another day,
another hour,
another week,
another month,
another year,
another anniversary,
another flashback,
another body memory,

Healing is having the freedom to fully unleash my creativity and
sing again,
play music again,
write again,
talk again,
share again.

Healing is being able to give without manipulation
and receive without manipulation
even more importantly… recognizing the difference.

Healing is being to allow myself to truly love
and open myself to the potential for heartache without fear,
knowing that I can rise above anything that happens.

Healing is allowing myself to trust others
and being trustworthy myself.

Healing is giving myself permission to live life to the fullest
without thinking much about healing or hurting or my history.
It is allowing myself to temporarily “forget” that I even have an abusive history.

Healing is knowing that I was a victim who dared to survive
and am now a survivor who dares to thrive.

Healing is being able to put words to my experiences,
words like
“rape”
and “sexual abuse”
and “incest”
and “satanic ritual abuse”.
And healing is to put them without capital letters because
I am bigger and taller and stronger than they are
and I refuse to give them capital letter power in my life.

Healing is being able to cry and know that I am OK
and everything will be alright.

Healing is being able to see my Creator’s love for me
even when I know I don’t deserve it.

Healing is being able to see His hand in my life…even during the most awful of experiences.

Healing is being able to see His protection and how He got me through.

I may think of more things to add to that list. As I do, I may edit

Weight Lifting

Today has been a good day. The sun is out. I made it to church and really enjoyed it. My spirits are better than they have been for awhile. I have really been struggling and wrestling with some things lately.

I am not sure I can adequately describe it, but I have been starting to feel almost as if a weight is lifting off my heart and off my soul. I am starting to feel lighter somehow.

Perhaps it is because I am finally coming to the point of letting some things go. I am taking them…and in my mind…I am picturing myself holding them in my hand. I reach my hands out to my heavenly Daddy and give them to Him. I know that He will take very good care of them. I find that thought very comforting.

Slowly, but surely, Yahweh God is moving me forward…one foot in front of the other. One heartbeat after another. I have been seeking Him more and really trying to listen for His voice…trying to understand His ways and what He is saying to my heart. I am grateful that He is always there for me. I love Him.

Heart of Stone

I hate doing hard things. But I am willing to do them and, with Yahweh God’s help, I do actually do them. Some seem to think, though, that my doing of hard things must mean that I have a heart of stone. That I have no feelings. Or that I do not care about others.

Well, one thing I have learned is that I cannot change others’ perspectives. Nope. It is just not possible. I can speak the truth as best I can; but ultimately, they will believe what they choose to believe. Sadly, that may be based more upon what is convenient and less upon the actual truth.

Truthfully, that hurts! It hurts to be shut out by those I love. It hurts to be pushed away from someone I was loyal to…someone I defended…someone I stood up for.

It also hurts to try and communicate with someone and have them respond to things I never wrote while ignoring some of the things I did write. It hurts to be accused of doing the very things that person is doing to me. It also hurts to have someone I trust write things to me that seem almost as if they are deliberately trying to trigger me. And it hurts to be pushed away by someone I stood up for and remained loyal to.

Why do all these things hurt? Well…some of it is how I feel myself. I won’t deny that. However, there is something much bigger going on. Each one’s behavior reflects things they are experiencing and going through. So, I also hurt for them. Yeah, there is a part of me that wants to be angry for myself…oh poor me. But what I am experiencing is nothing compared to what they must be having to live with.

Each one of us is the way we are for a reason. Good things have happened. Bad things have happened. They all impact us. They all contribute to us being the way we are…to our reacting to things the way we react. So…are we just automatons? Is there no hope of being changed? Of being able to see truth and learn new ways to respond to things? I believe there IS hope.

For me, the key to being changed is to allow Yahweh God to change me. I cannot change myself. I can make decisions to change. I can take steps in that direction. I can even accomplish quite a bit at times. However, there are some things that I simply cannot change.

The really deep, hard things…I must have help with. I must have Yahweh’s help. He sent me His Son, Yeshua/Jesus, as my first line of help. Then He sent His Spirit to live within me as another help…a huge help. He also sends me the information I need and the people to walk alongside of me…to help support me.

Ultimately, though, He is the One who changes me. I must co-operate…but He does the changing. He does for me what I am unable to do for myself. He is the helper of the helpless and there are so many areas in which I am helpless.

Yahweh God is my only real hope.

My Heart Hurts

My

heart

hurts!

What more can I say? Some days, my heart just plain hurts. That is life. There is nothing to do but to turn to my Abba and ride it out. I know that His love for me is beyond incredible. That does comfort me, but it does not take away the pain.

So, I will wait upon Him and ride it out. I know in Whom I have believed and He has promised to never leave or forsake me. He is here with me now and will help me through this! He is faithful and true!