Archive for the ‘heaven’ Category


Each Day Moving Forward…

September 15, 2010

I don’t know how much time we have left in this world. I watch it getting worse and worse…and then I wonder…how serious are my problems…really. I do my best when I walk in the truth that this is NOT my real Home. My real Home comes after this world passes away. This is merely a shadow of what is to come…and for some of us…it is a very dark shadow.

Yet…the Creator has come to bring light into this darkness. He has come to bring love and healing…and a challenge. Recognizing who He is and choosing to follow Him comes with a price. There are those who reject Him and there are some who will reject me, also. Some will reject me because I am a broken imperfect person, but there are some who will reject me because I follow Him…because I will not compromise truth.

Personally…I don’t really think that most people are really rejecting Him. I think they are rejecting the caricature and false image of Him that has been taught in so many places and groups. It really makes me sad when I see how He is portrayed as something/someone He is not. So many people miss out on the blessing of really knowing Him because they have never been introduced to the REAL Him!

Another thing that makes a real difference in my life is when I sit with the One who made me…the One who knows me best…the One who became man and gave of Himself for me. That is one of the challenges of my living situation. I have not had any regular time alone to just sit with Him. But then I have to ask myself…how much do I really love Him? When we really love someone…don’t we make time to be with that person?

As I sit here I recognize that I really do not do all I can to spend time with Him…listening for His voice…reading and learning of Him…focusing my heart upon Him…drawing closer to Him. There are things in my life that make it harder to do all of that…things I can do nothing about. I can’t do much about my brain being in a fog…or about feeling a bit dizzy at times. I can’t do much about being unable to focus…about my mind swirling around. However, do I make the best use of the little snippets of time I have alone? He is my Creator. He loves me so much and has been here for me in so many ways. Do I really appreciate that? Do I show that appreciation?

It has been so long since I have lived in a situation that allowed me to spend regular time with Him and in His written words to me. Yet…I do talk to Him a lot. In fact, I am talking to Him even as I write these words. And He does speak to my heart. As I sit here thinking that I am failing to really do all I can to draw close to Him, He just puts His arms around my heart and reassures me that it is not about performance. It is about loving Him…and I do love Him…so much more than I can ever express.

I cannot show my love for Him in the same ways that others can, but why should I? I am not them! I am His unique creation…made in His image and filled with His Spirit. So I show my love for Him in ways that are uniquely gifted to me. Sometimes…loving Him can simply mean that I honor Him by not giving up. I keep fighting. I keep trying to do the right thing…even when I fall upon my face time after time. I aim at taking good care of this body that He has given me.

Hm…I just took a break to fold some clothes before I wrap up this post. I am listening to some beautiful music being played on PBN. Suddenly, I realized something. Sometimes the music in our lives is loud and we are dancing and singing to it. Other times it is a steady stream in the background. We are not focused on it, but it is there nonetheless.

It is the same in my life with the Creator. Sometimes I am focused directly and intently upon Him. He and I are dancing and singing and openly communicating. But oftentimes, He is the spiritual background music of my life…the love that is always there…the presence that is always with me…even when I am not really focusing directly on Him.

I want to have Him more up front in my life. Yet I am also grateful that He is faithful to never leave me or abandon me…even when He is not the upfront focus…even when flashbacks seem more real…even when my brain is too foggy to focus on anything…even when I cannot read His word…even when confusion seems to be reigning.

He is good. He is love. He is my true Abba…and my L-rd. His Spirit lives with me. Because of Him…I can live each day moving forward…even when it does not feel as if I am moving forward.


Thoughts on the Time of Year

October 25, 2008

What a time! I love the Autumn. It is my favorite season…on the outside. On the inside, I hate this time of year. I know what happens at the end of October and I hate it!

Most of the time I can push it to the back of my mind and heart. Yet…it always comes up. Somewhere, somehow, the thought of the children comes to mind…and I find myself fighting tears and lifting up a prayer for them.

What do I pray for? Well, I would like to think He would stop the whole hideous thing, but I know that is not realistic. It is not because God is not big enough, or strong enough, to stop it. It is because He is bound by His own rules. He gave us humans the ability to choose between good and evil, between doing what is right and doing what is wrong. Gentleman that He is, He won’t go back on His word. We were given choice and until He comes back and removes evil once and for all, we will have people committing evil acts.

So, no, I don’t really pray for Him to stop it…at least not very strongly. I do pray for Him to intervene. I pray for Him to protect the hearts and souls of those who will have to endure this time. I pray for Him to protect them from the pain and to take them quickly home. I pray for supernatural comfort to the victims.

I also pray for Him to open the eyes of the good people who are too afraid to take a real and serious look at what is going on around them. For those who are willing to see, I pray that He will open their hearts and give them courage to take a stand. Yet, I hold out little hope for that happening.

If people won’t even take a stand to stop the culture of death we can see so openly, how can I expect them to work to stop the hidden deaths? When people, including babies, are “legally” sacrificed through abortion and through starvation in the “medical” system on the altar of convenience and money…right out in the open, how can there be concern for the children and people being sacrificed in hidden rituals? They are all being sacrificed…whether openly or in secret and the temporary prince and ruler of this earth is laughing at the stupid humans who are serving him through these (and other) practices.

My heart always breaks when I think of these things. However, this time of year I am more keenly aware of it all. It is a reminder to me that this is not my true home. My true home in with God in His kingdom. What is to come after all this ugliness is a beauty so incredible that those who have seen it and come back are unable to adequately describe it. That is what I long for.


I Am Not God!

June 17, 2008

One thing I know…there is a God…and I am not Him. Boy…aren’t you glad about that!? I would make a very poor god with all my imperfections. By definition…God has to be perfect! I mean…hey…He would not be much of a god if He were not, right?

Well, I guess I do know more than one thing. I also know that His name is Yahweh and that He has revealed Himself to us in many ways…through His creation…through His written word…through His people…through His Son, Yeshua/Jesus.

I also know that He sent His Spirit to dwell within those who desire to be His sons and daughters…those who accept what Yeshua did to help us to regain a heart connection with Him that was lost through what Adam and Eve did in the beginning.

I know that Yeshua taught that He was the only way to our heavenly Abba/Father. The ONLY way! It is not a teaching of Christianity…which is mere religion. It is a teaching by Yeshua Himself. You cannot have a better authority on Yeshua than Yeshua…unless, of course, it is His Father. His Father did say in a voice that we humans could hear that Yeshua was His Son and that He was very pleased with Him. I sure don’t think He would be pleased if Yeshua lied about His purpose. Besides, if there are other ways to the Abba/Father, then His suffering and death were a total waste…which would basically make Yeshua quite the loser! He certainly would not be someone to follow or emulate.

I know…there are those who claim the bible has been adulterated…changed. I won’t deny that attempts have been made. However, too many scholars over too many years have been keeping a close eye on it. Plus, God…the author of the book…is certainly big enough to make sure that His word is preserved enough for us to have the truth. You would have to change a huge amount of it to nullify its message…a message which actually starts back in the very first book…Genesis.

When you are dealing with the old portion of the book…the Old Testament, the Old Covenant…then you are also dealing with a culture of people who were so methodical about preserving the integrity of the book that they actually threw away and destroyed any copies that were not perfectly copied. They even checked to make sure there were the same number of words on a page and the same number of letters! Making sure that the copies were preserved was a sacred responsibility that they took VERY seriously!

No, there is truth in the Bible. There is truth in Yeshua’s claim to be the only way. If I am wrong, I lose nothing in the end. But if I am right…those who refuse to believe will be in a bit of a spot. We are talking about an eternal destination here. Those who accept who He is and what He has done and live by His Spirit will be with Him forever. Those who reject that…well, He tells us about that, too.

We each make the choice…to accept or reject. I have made my choice. No one sends anyone to heaven or hell. It is the result of the choice WE each make regarding the Son of God…Yeshua/Jesus. We choose.


Feeling Down and Thoughts of Home

March 19, 2008

I have really been feeling down lately. I am not sure why exactly. Maybe it is just the stress of life altogether. I don’t know. It just seems like I have been having more “survivor” days. Although I cannot ignore having survived a lot, being a survivor is not my core identity. Being a daughter of the Most High God is.

I work hard on my healing. I work on my relationship with God. Well, maybe I should rephrase that. My relationship with Yahweh is very real and it, along with healing, is a gift from Him. What I mean by “working on” is that I do what is in front of me to do. When He reveals something to me I try to pay attention. It also means that I try to make sure I am spending time with Him, speaking and listening, heart to heart. I make time to read His love letter to me…to get to know Him and His heart better.

I work on embracing truth…the truth about who I am in Him…the truth about my history, my present and my future. I know from where I have come. I know where I am. I know where I am going…ultimately. It is that part between here and the ultimately that holds a lot of questions for me. I really have to trust that it is all in Yahweh’s hands. He has a plan for my life and that is what I want to focus on. Nay,…let me change that. It is HIM I want to focus on…His love for me and my love for Him. THAT is what brings a smile to my face and heart. It is nothing I can do. No, the joy in my heart comes from Him and from Him alone.

Yet, along with that deep inner joy is also a deep inner sadness. I see the junk of this world…all the pain and the suffering. I see how horribly people treat one another. I have seen death, cruelty, abuse. Life in this fallen world is not a pretty picture. I have no hope, really, for a good life here. Don’t get me wrong. There ARE good things and good people in this life. I am very blessed to know some incredibly awesome people and to have the love of friends and family. Yet, those are tiny fragments of this life as a whole. Our world is in a pretty sad state.

Those tiny fragments are also part of a HUGE future picture. There is an awesome place of wonder waiting for me…my true home. I cannot even begin to imagine what it will look like. There are those who have seen it…and come back. They are unable to adequately describe what they saw. THAT is my true home. That is where I long to be…with my Lord and Saviour forever. There are times when my heart aches to go home.

This morning I heard someone talking about heaven and the gate to get in…and the Gatekeeper. I know who that Gatekeeper is…and oh, how I long to hear Him say “Well done, good and faithful servant. Come on in and be with Me!”

When I heard what the Gatekeeper told this person whose time had not yet come, I thought of my sister. I do not really understand why, but for some reason, the words Yeshua spoke to this woman gave me comfort for my sister. They gave me a greater hope that she is indeed in heaven waiting for me. Yet, I cannot say why. I only know that my heart was touched deeply and tears came. They were happy tears for her because I believe she is with Him; and no one from here can ever touch her or hurt her again. She is safe. She is loved…as she always deserved to be.

I have trials and difficulties in this life. A lot of it is just the stuff of life that everyone goes through. On top of that, I have the difficulties of having gone through so much trauma and abuse. It has changed me in ways that are beyond my comprehension and in ways that I can do nothing about.

Yet, my Abba knows all about it. He helps me to work with what I have been given in this life. He brings healing in some ways and the ability to cope in others. He helps me to live this life. I simply do not know how some people are able to live this life without Him. I know that I could not. It simply a fact for me. He comforts me. He strengthens me. He gives me hope when there is no hope in anything I can see around me. He IS my hope…my joy…my peace.

Feeling down does not mean a lack of peace. It just means that I am living in the reality of this fallen world. But deep inside I have the peace of already knowing what the ultimate outcome of that will be. Of course, that is a mixed blessing. I know the joy and good that awaits me. But there is also sadness over what some will choose to go to because they simply refuse to accept Yahweh and His Son. They reject Him…and that makes me sad.


My Sister

February 18, 2008

Last night, as I went to bed, my thoughts were on my sister. She has passed on into eternity. It has not hit me real hard this year…or at least not yet. She died under some suspicious circumstances. I have seen her autopsy report. It is a joke. In fact, I am not even 100% sure that she is dead. I saw what was supposed to be her body, but it did not look like her at all. I told my father that and he insisted that it definitely looked like her…insisted rather strongly. He would not leave me alone with her. Her body was on a gurney, totally covered, except for her face, with sheeting. They did not have the money to really do anything with the body.

I won’t go into all that happened around her death…not now. Maybe someday in the future I will. Personally, I believe her death was cult arranged…for more than one reason. Either that, or they faked her death and what I saw was not her body. It is my prayer that she is in heaven. That is my only comfort.

OK, as I write this…it is starting to hit me. The tears are on their way. I wish I could have known her differently. I wish I could have been the big sister she deserved to have. She needed someone to love her…to protect her…not to be her trainer.

I am gonna sign off on this for now.

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