Archive for the ‘not understanding’ Category

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Living Life in the Face of Nastiness…

March 30, 2012

There are people in life who are simply nasty. They are mean, disrespectful and really don’t care how what they do affects others. When confronted with such people, we have choices to make. We can either react to them, wherein we lose ourselves by allowing them to control our lives and determine how we will live. Or, we can respond to them, wherein we maintain our own autonomy and integrity and choose how we shall live. I prefer the latter. That is my choice.

When I am confronted by nasty negative people I choose to remember that I, too, have had my “moments” of being nasty or ugly. It may not have been intentional. I may not have even been aware of how I was coming across. Or, I may have realized it as it was happening, but did not know how to “fix” it. Or maybe there was no fix…the damage was already done. Any way you look at it, I have had a negative impact on others at times in my life. So, I believe it is worthwhile to remain humble toward others, recognizing that I am certainly not perfect, either!

I also try to remember that everyone is the way they are for a reason. For good or bad, we have all had negative and positive experiences in life that have helped to shape us into what we are today. Sometimes, the balance between positive and negative was fairly even overall. But for some of us, one heavily outweighed the other.

For those whose positive experiences heavily outweighed the negative it can be difficult to understand those of who whose lives were the opposite. We may fumble where they do not. We may react to things that do not faze them one bit. I think it is good when each person can believe another’s story and try to imagine living in that reality. It can help us to be more empathetic toward others.

For those of us who weigh heavily on the negative, and some even in the extreme, it can be difficult to imagine life without that. We see the way others live and struggle to comprehend how they can do that. It just isn’t even on our radar.

Thankfully, though, there can be some good experiences even in the midst of craziness and evil, that give us some positive skills for life. For me, knowing my Creator made a HUGE difference. It is part of what helped to shape me and, I think, to temper how the abuse affected me.

I still deal with the physical effects of trauma brain and I can still experience flashbacks that are part of PTSD and getting  triggered.  However, I have learned over the years how to cope and work around the aftereffects. I know what I can do and what I cannot do and I no longer feel guilt or shame over what I cannot do…even when others do not understand. It is frustrating at times when people look less favorably upon me for what I cannot do. They cannot comprehend how even the simplest of things can be overwhelming at times. But I have learned to live with that and simply accept that there are things they simply do not know and, even if they did, might not be able to understand.

Life is good…even when it is hard. I am OK with that. My heavenly Abba/Father/true Daddy walks with me. So does my Messiah…Yeshua. Their Ruach/Spirit lives within me and that strengthens and comforts me…especially when life is hard.

I refuse to give up. I refuse to hold grudges. I refuse to not forgive. I choose to walk in freedom with my head held high…even when I am shaking inside.

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Victims and Letting Go

August 14, 2008

I am not sure where this is going to go. I am puzzled by something and am not sure how to express it. It has to do with being hurt…and expressing that hurt. It seems that, to some, if you express hurt, it automatically means that you are “acting like a victim”. I guess I just don’t get that.

I mean…can’t one be hurt without being a “victim”? Hmmm…I think I will go look up the word and see what good old Webster’s has to say about it. This is what it says at the online Merriam-Webster dictionary site:
victim

Main Entry:
vic·tim Listen to the pronunciation of victim
Pronunciation:
\ˈvik-təm\
Function:
noun
Etymology:
Latin victima; perhaps akin to Old High German wīh holy
Date:
15th century
1: a living being sacrificed to a deity or in the performance of a religious rite2: one that is acted on and usu. adversely affected by a force or agent (the schools are victims of the social system): as a (1): one that is injured, destroyed, or sacrificed under any of various conditions (a victim of cancer) (a victim of the auto crash) (a murder victim) (2): one that is subjected to oppression, hardship, or mistreatment (a frequent victim of political attacks) b: one that is tricked or duped (a con man’s victim)

Hmm…I guess that, technically, if someone experiences hurt from some source, that makes them a victim. However, I also notice that the examples given here seem to be pretty serious. So, maybe, it does not really apply to smaller hurts? I don’t know.

I guess another question is…is being a “victim” a bad thing? Hmm…let me restate that another way. Obviously, no one would say that being hurt is a good thing! I guess what I am asking is this:
If a person is hurt…and expresses that hurt…is that bad? Is that playing the victim role? Or is it simply expressing a truth about how/what they are feeling? Expressing their perspective? Is there a “right” or “wrong” in this? Feelings are what they are. Perspectives are what they are. Isn’t it possible for people to have differing perspectives and feelings and yet both be “right”? Or even both be “wrong”?

I guess another related question would be this:
If more than one person is hurt…and they all express their hurt…is only one being a “victim”? Does only one person have the “right” to be a “victim”?

Oy vey, this is getting complicated. I guess it would help to explain what has triggered this pondering. I had someone say that I was acting “like a victim” in regards to something. I am not quite sure I understand what this person means. If we follow the definition of being adversely effected, perhaps everyone involved could be considered a victim? So, if this person expresses hurt…isn’t that also acting “like a victim”? I have to admit that I am a bit confused by all this.

Oh, well. There are some things that I may never understand…and I really don’t think I need to understand everything in order to live a somewhat emotionally healthy life. I think it is important to know what to let go of and what to hold on to. I am choosing to let go of this one. It is too complicated for me.

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