Archive for the ‘outlets’ Category

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What to Do With Anger?

April 19, 2010

I am writing. I have a poem I have been working on that I hope to finish in the next day or two at most. Tomorrow I am busy, but on Wednesday at least, I hope to finish it and give it to the one I need to communicate with. I think a poem might help get the message across in a somewhat neutral way. I hope. It is a “group” effort and I will post it here on the blog when I am done.

For me, I try to use anger as a catalyst. I try to find creative ways to express it…even when I find myself limited by my situation. I can only go so long feeling as if I am trapped in someone else’s schedule…forced to live in an environment that is so not suited to what I have been created to need. It is only my Abba who sustains me/us.

I will keep on hoping for change…and for it to be fairly soon. Right now, there are no signs of anything happening and we have no control over it. We have to trust our heavenly Abba. I know that a few of you readers know who I really am and you can see from what I write in other places what is going on…or not going on as the case may be.

Trust…it is all about trust. A lot of that trust has to do with knowing that my Abba will bring me through this…all of me. I hope to write more tomorrow or Wednesday.

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Stuffing Things and Flashbacks

September 6, 2008

I have been stuffing things inside for too long, too. Being very busy not only encourages that, but it also makes it harder to do. I know…that sounds contradictory. It takes a lot of energy to stuff. Busyness also takes a lot of energy.

So, busyness encourages stuffing because there is no time to deal with things. Yet, it also drains me to the point that it makes stuffing much more difficult. So, as soon as things let up…like at night…boy do I feel all the stuff that I have been trying to stuff surging up to the surface.

I have been “seeing” more in the sense of visual flashbacks. I have been starting to get hit with emotional pain a bit more…although not nearly to the degree I would expect. At night I find myself tending to feel more and more little. I have no real outlet for the little side of me. So, that side of me pushes it way out when it can.

Stuffing may keep me going for awhile…but I am not “going” very well. It is harder to think straight if I am stuffing. It is more difficult to function…even though I am not coming to a screeching halt. I find that I am fighting to keep from shutting down. There are times when I just want to sit and do nothing. I want to be alone…with my thoughts…and my feelings…and yes, with my flashbacks. I want to be able to process them and work through them and let them out. Alas, there is no time…but more importantly…there is no place.

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