Archive for the ‘overwhelmed’ Category

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Living Life in the Face of Nastiness…

March 30, 2012

There are people in life who are simply nasty. They are mean, disrespectful and really don’t care how what they do affects others. When confronted with such people, we have choices to make. We can either react to them, wherein we lose ourselves by allowing them to control our lives and determine how we will live. Or, we can respond to them, wherein we maintain our own autonomy and integrity and choose how we shall live. I prefer the latter. That is my choice.

When I am confronted by nasty negative people I choose to remember that I, too, have had my “moments” of being nasty or ugly. It may not have been intentional. I may not have even been aware of how I was coming across. Or, I may have realized it as it was happening, but did not know how to “fix” it. Or maybe there was no fix…the damage was already done. Any way you look at it, I have had a negative impact on others at times in my life. So, I believe it is worthwhile to remain humble toward others, recognizing that I am certainly not perfect, either!

I also try to remember that everyone is the way they are for a reason. For good or bad, we have all had negative and positive experiences in life that have helped to shape us into what we are today. Sometimes, the balance between positive and negative was fairly even overall. But for some of us, one heavily outweighed the other.

For those whose positive experiences heavily outweighed the negative it can be difficult to understand those of who whose lives were the opposite. We may fumble where they do not. We may react to things that do not faze them one bit. I think it is good when each person can believe another’s story and try to imagine living in that reality. It can help us to be more empathetic toward others.

For those of us who weigh heavily on the negative, and some even in the extreme, it can be difficult to imagine life without that. We see the way others live and struggle to comprehend how they can do that. It just isn’t even on our radar.

Thankfully, though, there can be some good experiences even in the midst of craziness and evil, that give us some positive skills for life. For me, knowing my Creator made a HUGE difference. It is part of what helped to shape me and, I think, to temper how the abuse affected me.

I still deal with the physical effects of trauma brain and I can still experience flashbacks that are part of PTSD and getting  triggered.  However, I have learned over the years how to cope and work around the aftereffects. I know what I can do and what I cannot do and I no longer feel guilt or shame over what I cannot do…even when others do not understand. It is frustrating at times when people look less favorably upon me for what I cannot do. They cannot comprehend how even the simplest of things can be overwhelming at times. But I have learned to live with that and simply accept that there are things they simply do not know and, even if they did, might not be able to understand.

Life is good…even when it is hard. I am OK with that. My heavenly Abba/Father/true Daddy walks with me. So does my Messiah…Yeshua. Their Ruach/Spirit lives within me and that strengthens and comforts me…especially when life is hard.

I refuse to give up. I refuse to hold grudges. I refuse to not forgive. I choose to walk in freedom with my head held high…even when I am shaking inside.

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One of Those Days

January 17, 2009

Ever have one of those days? You know the kind…where you are not crying, yet tears are sliding down your cheeks? I had one of those days yesterday.

I had things inside and just really needed to write…so I did. As I wrote, the tears started flowing…no crying…just silent tears. I went back and forth between writing and doing other things, but the tears just kept coming off and on for a while.

I am not sure what they are about. It would seem safe to assume that they were related to what I was writing about…which, I guess, could be summed up as disappointment? I don’t know. Maybe it was just sadness?

Then again…I guess it could just be a whole mixture of things going on inside that simply needed to come out.

Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed. All I want to do is to just sit at Yeshua’s feet…or perhaps more accurately…to sit on my Abba’s lap…my heavenly Abba.  I need to let His love wash over me so that I can walk in His healing Shalom and in His ways. I praise Him for loving me and choosing me as His daughter…for that is what I am…a daughter of the Most High God!

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One of Those Days

September 6, 2008

This is one of those days for me. You know the kind…or maybe you don’t. I have this impending sense of “something”. My gut is churning. I don’t feel all that great. It is like I am shaky inside, but not quite sure why.

Well, maybe I have a clue as to why. Yesterday, I was in an email dialog that was a bit taxing, but it was amicable. At least, I think it was. It was from my end. I can’t be sure about the other person. We simply had different viewpoints about the upcoming election and neither of us was going to change the other’s mind. I am OK with that.

So, maybe it was not that. Although, it does not take much stress to overwhelm me…even stress from good things…or simple things.

There was also a post I made explaining our living situation. I was a bit uncertain how others might respond to that. I did feel a bit stressed when I posted it. However, I am pretty much OK with it. I had the wording checked by another couple other than my husband and I and they felt it was fine.

Again, though, it does not take much. This has been a very long week filled with too many things. I have been feeling overwhelmed. When I feel overwhelmed, it does not take much for me to feel like I am being pushed over the top a bit.

So, maybe I am just feeling the accumulation of things from a long week.

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Feeling Tired and Preparing for Meeting the Ex

April 7, 2008

What a day! I am very tired and have a long day ahead of me tomorrow. It was a good day, though. I got some things done that I needed to do, including a good talk with my middle son…the one getting married…about his biofather.

I am feeling better able to prepare for being in the same room with him and his wife. I am going to look at what is the best and what is the worst that can happen. Then I am going to make “plans” accordingly. I hope to write more here soon…but I have been so swamped and, accordingly, overwhelmed. I hate feeling overwhelmed, but oh well.

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