Archive for the ‘sanity’ Category

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Living Life in the Face of Nastiness…

March 30, 2012

There are people in life who are simply nasty. They are mean, disrespectful and really don’t care how what they do affects others. When confronted with such people, we have choices to make. We can either react to them, wherein we lose ourselves by allowing them to control our lives and determine how we will live. Or, we can respond to them, wherein we maintain our own autonomy and integrity and choose how we shall live. I prefer the latter. That is my choice.

When I am confronted by nasty negative people I choose to remember that I, too, have had my “moments” of being nasty or ugly. It may not have been intentional. I may not have even been aware of how I was coming across. Or, I may have realized it as it was happening, but did not know how to “fix” it. Or maybe there was no fix…the damage was already done. Any way you look at it, I have had a negative impact on others at times in my life. So, I believe it is worthwhile to remain humble toward others, recognizing that I am certainly not perfect, either!

I also try to remember that everyone is the way they are for a reason. For good or bad, we have all had negative and positive experiences in life that have helped to shape us into what we are today. Sometimes, the balance between positive and negative was fairly even overall. But for some of us, one heavily outweighed the other.

For those whose positive experiences heavily outweighed the negative it can be difficult to understand those of who whose lives were the opposite. We may fumble where they do not. We may react to things that do not faze them one bit. I think it is good when each person can believe another’s story and try to imagine living in that reality. It can help us to be more empathetic toward others.

For those of us who weigh heavily on the negative, and some even in the extreme, it can be difficult to imagine life without that. We see the way others live and struggle to comprehend how they can do that. It just isn’t even on our radar.

Thankfully, though, there can be some good experiences even in the midst of craziness and evil, that give us some positive skills for life. For me, knowing my Creator made a HUGE difference. It is part of what helped to shape me and, I think, to temper how the abuse affected me.

I still deal with the physical effects of trauma brain and I can still experience flashbacks that are part of PTSD and getting  triggered.  However, I have learned over the years how to cope and work around the aftereffects. I know what I can do and what I cannot do and I no longer feel guilt or shame over what I cannot do…even when others do not understand. It is frustrating at times when people look less favorably upon me for what I cannot do. They cannot comprehend how even the simplest of things can be overwhelming at times. But I have learned to live with that and simply accept that there are things they simply do not know and, even if they did, might not be able to understand.

Life is good…even when it is hard. I am OK with that. My heavenly Abba/Father/true Daddy walks with me. So does my Messiah…Yeshua. Their Ruach/Spirit lives within me and that strengthens and comforts me…especially when life is hard.

I refuse to give up. I refuse to hold grudges. I refuse to not forgive. I choose to walk in freedom with my head held high…even when I am shaking inside.

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Where IS My Sanity…

May 19, 2010

and WHAT is sanity???? I often crack jokes about sanity. It is my way of trying to keep a hard life somewhat lighter.

I will sometimes ask if anyone knows where my sanity is because it ran away! Usually, someone will respond with the fact that, if I find mine, I might find theirs, too. Then we both laugh and agree that, if we find our sanity, we will send the other one’s home. Or we joke that they are probably out partying together or something.

When the subject comes up of going crazy…or losing sanity…I comment that I cannot lose what I have already lost. Or, that I cannot lose what I never had.  And then I laugh.

Sanity…that fleeting thing that I think all of us want, but also that an awful lot of us question whether we actually have it. Or question if we ever did considering that our abuses often started at such a young age…even in infancy.

What is sanity? I have heard what it is not. “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”  (Albert Einstein?) So…what is sanity? Is it changing what I do in order to make changes in my life? I can see where that might be part of it…but, somehow, I think there is more to it than just that.

Is it being able to hold a coherent conversation? Oh, boy. If that is a criteria, then I am definitely not very sane some of the time. But then…perhaps it depends upon WHY I am not holding a coherent conversation…doesn’t it? I don’t know.

Does it mean handling what life throws at me without crumbling? Does it mean not “losing it” inside? Does it mean that I continue to function…no matter how much I am shaking? Does it mean not having a foggy mind? Yet…all of those things can result from PTSD being triggered. Is a PTSD episode a temporary loss of sanity? Hmmm.

BrainyQuote.com defines it thusly: The condition or quality of being sane; soundness of health of body or mind, especially of the mind; saneness.

Sane is defined thusly: Being in a healthy condition; not deranged; acting rationally; — said of the mind.

Mentally sound; possessing a rational mind; having the mental faculties in such condition as to be able to anticipate and judge of the effect of one’s actions in an ordinary manner; — said of persons.

There is quite a bit there to consider. “A rational mind”. “to be able to anticipate and judge the effect of one’s actions in an ordinary manner.” When I am triggered…I would not say I am “rational”. I am experiencing something from the past. I am “rational” in the past…while living in the present. That makes is very difficult to “anticipate and judge” in the moment.

I would love to hear others’ thoughts on “sane” and “sanity”. What do they mean to you? Is it even possible to be “sane”? Or to be sane all the time? Perhaps it is something we move in and out of?

I think part of being sane is being able to roll with life and recover when it hits you. To be able to live in reality and not in a make believe world. I don’t know.

What do you all think? I will finish with some quotes I found on sanity.

When dealing with the insane, the best method is to pretend to be sane.  Hermann Hesse

Part of being sane is being a little bit crazy.  Janet Long

A neurosis is a secret you don’t know you are keeping.  Kenneth Tynan

It is said that power corrupts, but actually it’s more true that power attracts the corruptible. The sane are usually attracted by other things than power.  David Brin

All I kin say is when you finds yo’self wanderin’ in a peach orchard, ya don’t go lookin’ for rutabagas.  Kingfish

Hitherto the plans of the educationalists have achieved very little of what they attempted, and indeed we may well thank the beneficent obstinacy of real mothers, real nurses, and (above all) real children for preserving the human race in such sanity as it still possesses.  C. S. Lewis

I am beginning to realize that “sanity” is no longer a value or an end in itself. If modern people were a little less sane, a little more doubtful, a little more aware of their absurdities and contradictions, perhaps there might be the possibility of their survival.  Thomas Merton

Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.  Mark Twain

No man is sane who does not know how to be insane on the proper occasions.  Henry Ward Beecher

Insanity is often the logic of an accurate mind overtasked.  Oliver Wendell Holmes

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