Archive for the ‘sharing’ Category

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Friday’s meeting…

August 22, 2021

Friday’s meeting went really well. It is nice to talk with someone who seems to be pretty savvy and who understands what is going on in the world. I felt safe and accepted and (at least some degree) understood.

I found it interesting that I was on pins and needles for the two weeks leading up to it, but when the day actually came, I was very calm. Not sure why. I trust Creator in all things and maybe He was giving me His peace about it. I don’t know.

Like many things in life I have stepped into in faith, I have no idea what is going to happen. No idea where this will take me. I do know that even the little bit of sharing I did was helpful. Knowing I have someone to debrief my life with is helpful. It takes some of the pressure off.

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Reaching Out…

May 9, 2010

Previously, I wrote about trying to get hold of a couple to try and find some kind of in person (3D) support. Well, I did finally get her on the phone. I had pretty much decided how I wanted to approach it. Did that happen? Nope! Instead, I started off faltering and ended up just spilling things out. She was very caring as I told her I was losing it.

Her husband was not home at the time or else, she said, she would have come right over. So, she prayed for me and said that she would talk to him and get back to me the next day. I told her I had no idea how we would work this out. They are not close, location wise, and we are not members of their congregation. (He is a pastor.)

After pouring my heart out over the phone, I definitely felt better. It was a couple of days ago that I talked to her and, although I have not heard back from her, I do know her heart. I had told her I did not want to be a bother and she had assured me I was not. And I believe her. She knows our living situation and, like everyone else, cannot imagine how we do it. She knows it is extremely stressful.

What is really amazing to me is that I would normally be fretting like crazy at not hearing back from her. I would have all the old tapes playing about not being a bother…not taking up people’s time, etc. This time, though, instead of fretting at not hearing from her the next day, I am able to contentedly rest…knowing that there is a reason she is not getting back to me…a reason that I believe has nothing to do with me.

They may not be the ones the L-rd has for me (and my family)…and, if that is the case, it is OK. At least being able to talk to her did help me to feel like someone else knows some of what is going on and cares about me…about my family. It helped me to feel heard and to let off some of the stress.

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Setting Boundaries and Gossip

May 30, 2008

I recently went through a very difficult situation in which I learned some very hard lessons. In the process of learning them, I made some mistakes. Those lessons cause me to feel a need to set a firm boundary with everyone I come in contact with. Basically, it amounts to this:

Do NOT talk negatively to me about ANYone. If you have a problem with another person…take it up with THEM. Unless you are coming to me for some kind of counseling and seriously want help to work through the issues (which requires rigorous honesty and willingness to be self aware on your part)…do NOT tell me about it.

Do NOT try to get me to take sides in your squabble or dispute. Do NOT try to turn me against the other person. This is ESPECIALLY the case if you are not willing to take responsibility for the words you share.
I do NOT want to hear gossip. If you gossip to me about another person, I will assume that are also spreading gossip about me to others.

If you do share something with me and I believe it to be serious, especially if it causes me concern for that other person’s well-being…whether it be their physical well-being or their emotional and mental well-being…I WILL share it with him/her.

For those who are not sure what I mean…I will give an example. If you tell me that someone’s confidentiality has been broken by one of their key support people…I DO consider that a serious issue of emotional safety for that person. As a result I WILL make sure that the person learns about what you shared so that they can protect themselves. I WILL give you the opportunity to share it with them yourself…but bear in mind…it WILL be shared…either by you or by me.

I will not play games. I will not waste my time and energy on diversionary tactics — like responses that don’t even relate to the issue brought up. I am just not going there.

I am going to do my best to make sure I do the same thing for others that I am asking them to do for me. I know that we are all human and we will all make mistakes. We DO need to show one another grace. But there are some things that do cross a line, things that are serious. Things that…once shared…just cannot be swept under the rug.

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Being Open About Myself

March 6, 2008

I don’t sign my name on my posts. There is a reason for that. Who I am is not as important as the message I bring. There was a time when I did not let anyone know who I really was…even on survivor forums…for safety reasons. As I share more of my history, it will become more clear as to why that has been a concern.

But lately, things have been changing for me…inside. I believe Yahweh is calling me to be more open. That is one reason I started this public blog. Yet, I do not put it on the blogger list. You will not find it in a google search; but I do appreciate anyone who puts the link on their page. There are ways to get here, obviously, since you are reading this! **smile** Whoever is supposed to read this blog…will! **GRIN**

I realize that the more open I am about my history and my life thoughts, the greater the likelihood that someone who knows me may suddenly think “Oh my gosh…I think I recognize who this is! Why I even talk to her and see her in person!” Or, “Wow! I recognize her writing. I know her from a forum!” Of course, I have invited a lot of my forum friends to come and read anyway, so they DO have an idea of who I am.

This blog is not really about who I am, though, but more about what Yahweh/God has done in my life. I would not be alive today. I would not be functioning even as well as I do…if it were not for Him. He has protected me in ways that are just amazing to me. I have survived generational cult abuse. And yes, I realize that the more I share, the more there is a likelihood that someone who is active in the cult might figure out who I am. But I figure, the group already knows where I am anyway. I have tangled with cult active therapists, both online and offline. It was very hard to deal with…but you know what? I am STILL standing!!!

Yahweh is my God. He is my protector. He is bigger than they ever could hope be. I will obey Him and write here and trust Him to take care of me and of those I love. Nothing happens by accident. I will trust Him to walk me through whatever comes down the road.

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Transparency

March 3, 2008

I always have to ask myself how transparent should I be. How open? If I don’t share the things I have experienced…and the things I am currently going through, how will I find healing? And how will I help others to heal? It is in sharing our life experiences that we find out that we are not alone. Others have been through similar things. And the camaraderie and healing that can result from that sharing is incredible.

It is clear to me that we are created for community. Some of the most powerful healing I have experienced has come out of that community…out of sharing, whether in a small group or one on one. It is in the sharing and giving of myself with others and the sharing of others with me that growth is most often found.

Healing is hard work. But when we join together, how much more work is done as the stronger ones help the weaker ones. Those of us who are a bit farther down the road in an area of our lives can help those of us who are not so far along. Walking together eases the burdens of our hearts.

We all have something to share. Some of my healing has come in helping others. Some of it has come in others helping me. No matter how far along I am in my life, there are always some areas in which I am farther behind someone else and some areas in whch I am farther along. And the converse is also true. There are always others who have both something to offer and something they need.

I like the give and take in our healing journeys. No one is above another. We all walk together, side by side, being there for one another. How sad it is when I see someone who is still so locked up inside that they are unable to reach out. The fear is still so strong and it is sometimes next to impossible to trust anyone. Yet, the only way I know to learn how to trust, is to just start taking the risk and doing it. Little by little, bit by bit, I have had to learn who to trust and how much they can be trusted with.

Yes, I have been hurt along the way at times. In fact, I have been outright betrayed. But I have grown more than I have been hurt. I have been blessed in so many ways that I would not trade it for anything, in spite of the hurts and betrayals. And I have made some very precious friends in the process. I have also lost some very precious friends. But I am grateful for the gift of their friendship during the time I had them.

There is a bible verse that says:

2Co 1:3-4 HNV
(3) Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Yeshua the Messiah, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort;
(4) who comforts us in all our affliction, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, through the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

I have been comforted. In sharing what I have gone through and how I have been comforted and healed, I can hopefully share that comfort with others. It is my desire and hope to give to others as I have been given to…to pass it on! And that means being transparent about myself. It means sharing my inner self and what I have been through. And that is a huge part of what this blog is all about!

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