Posts Tagged ‘Angela Shelton’

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The Incest Survivors’ Aftereffects Checklist by E. Sue Blume

November 3, 2009

I just found a post that contained information for incest survivors.  It is called:

The Incest Survivors’ Aftereffects Checklist, by E. Sue Blume.  I read it at The Survivor Manual, which is run by the Angela Shelton Foundation.

I highly recommend checking it out. I know there were things on that list that hit home for me, even though quite a few did not. Some were things that no longer apply. It is nice to know that I have had some healing!

As Blume points out…you have to use information carefully. I know that it can be dangerous to assume abuse due to symptoms. Some symptoms can come from other causes. However, symptoms can be an indicator of something being wrong and help us to become more aware of what the truth might really be. They can cause us to become more vigilant and able to see things that we might have been missing previously.

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Sharing and Grounding

October 31, 2009

I just read a post called: Trauma Therapy Tools: Grounding. It is on The Survivor Manual blog done by the Angela Shelton Foundation. This particular post is written by Dr. Kathleen Young.

Boy, did it hit home with me. She writes about how to learn how to stay present…especially in doing healing work. This is especially true of when sharing our stories. While we need to share our stories, how and when we do it can be either a positive thing or a negative thing. Telling before developing coping skills can lead to retraumatization.

One thing she wrote that really stood out to me is this:  “In fact, some trauma survivors are able to tell their stories easily, but in a dissociated manner.”

I have noticed how I can often talk about being a ritual abuse survivor without it effecting me. Sometimes, I can even describe some of it (in general) without it effecting me. I can sit and let my mind wander back over it…and just not be all that bothered. If I am not careful, it makes me wonder if what I remember is even real.

Then there are those times when I will allow my mind to wander a little too closely. As I really start to think about what happened, I find the dissociated emotions starting to kick in and reconnect with the visuals. I find myself choking up. At times, this can even lead to more memories.

I want to be able to talk to someone about this…yet…talking does make it more real.It is as if…by not really talking about it…I am able to keep it to the side…within the realm of “maybe it is not real”. If/when I start to really talk about it…one of two things happens. I either push it farther away and feel almost as if I am trying to deceive someone…or the emotions come closer…making it more real.

It is like this tug of war…less real vs more real. Typically, I stay somewhere in the middle of it all…caught between not wanting it to be real and wanting to reconnect it all together because I know that it is real.  I want to be able to have the freedom to actually talk about it…to describe the bits and pieces that try to float through my consciousness. Yet…when I try to grab those bits and pieces…I think I tend to automatically dissociate it away.

Everyone has to do healing in whatever way works best for them. For me…to do life…pretty much means to present in a mono-minded fashion. It also means to not talk much about the RA or allow it to “effect” me. Dealing with RA means dealing with those parts of myself that hold the memories the closest. I have no real avenue for doing that. I wish I did. I wish my environment at least allowed me to do it with myself. I don’t even have that.

There is power in the spoken word. There are things I can barely even write about (unless I do it in that unphased state — dissociation). Even less can I verbalize about them. Speaking it has power. It makes it real. It is validating. It starts to reconnect the emotion to the event…which is probably why I find myself so distanced from the emotions. It is probably also why, when I do start to speak of it, my mind tells me that I am being deceptive…that it could not possibly be real because of the lack of emotion.

A Catch-22. If I speak…the emotions can come more easily. The emotions are validating. My mind…in order to protect me…instantly holds the emotions at bay…keeping them back. The lack of emotions feels like deception…so memories must not be real. What a circle:   Speaking brings the emotions. Mind holds emotions back. So speaking feels like deception. So validation turns into subtle denial.

Reading that post led me into this train of thought. Dr. Young has a more complete post on her blog. I am going to go read it:
Staying Present During Trauma Therapy: Grounding Techniques and see what else comes up.

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When Is it Not “Rape Rape”?

September 30, 2009

I was reading Angela Shelton’s FaceBook page, which led me to her blog where I read her blog post: A Letter to Whoopi from Wendy Murphy.  (Both her FB and her blog are excellent, by the way, and I recommend reading them.)

Now, I don’t have TV, but I have seen snippets of “The View” on Youtube, or while in hotels. It never really looked like the kind of show I would actually want to watch, but this really cinched it for me.  If the following is an example of current women’s views on life…I am GLAD that I DON’T watch it!! This is total nonsense…no…more than that…it is actually horrifying nonsense.

A search on the net comes up with quite few mentions of Whoopi and her comment regarding what Roman Polanski really did with this 13 year old girl. There is an actual video clip from the show here.

I see Whoopi Goldberg as a very talented actress. I have seen her in a number of movies and enjoyed her. Although I do not know her well, I think I can safely say that we are not in agreement when it comes to politics. But never in my wildest dreams would I think that we would disagree as to whether or not a 45 year old man…or even ANY man…having sex with a 13 year old girl would be anything but RAPE!! That is one “view” I wish she had kept to herself!

HELLO…13 year old = child! An adult is ALWAYS in a mental and emotional power position over a child. Period…end of subject. It is not consensual…it is RAPE…plain and simple. To add to that, he first made her inebriated. AND, she told him “no”. Excuse me, Whoopi, but what part of “rape” do you not get???

Not “rape rape”? What the heck IS “rape rape”???? Is it that not being pregnant pregnant? Or robbed robbed? Sheesh!

I really like Wendy Murphy’s letter to Whoopi. You can find it here: An Open Letter to Whoopi Goldberg. Like Angela Shelton, I highly recommend you read it!

Go, Wendy! Grrrrr, Whoopi! Grrrrr, Polanski! Go, Angela!

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Yay! Angela Shelton for MacKenzie Phillips!

September 29, 2009

I am so proud of Angela Shelton! She spoke up for MacKenzie Phillips. MacKenzie has been taking a lot of flack for coming out and talking about how her father raped her over a period of years. See: High on Arrival – MacKenzie Phillips

It is tough enough for those who have been raped and abused to speak out. When it is a parent who does it…it is even harder. Harder for the child to accept it themselves and harder to share it. When that parent is high profile…rich and famous…and even beloved…it becomes even harder! The last thing these victims need is to be ridiculed and their integrity questioned.

So…yay, Angela. Thank you for speaking up. Somebody needed to. People need to wake up.

One of the things, too, that MacKenzie is taking flack for is her use of the term “consensual” once she turned 18.  Well…that is not surprising. When a child is raped by their parent…and that is exactly what it is…rape…the child is in a position of subservience to the parent. It is very difficult for a child to believe that a parent is evil or bad. A child takes on the idea that they have to be somehow at fault…that they somehow enticed or wanted it or???

The child is being groomed to be a “mistress” aka “sex slave” to the parent. This does not suddenly shut off at 18. In the mind of the child, it can seem consensual because of the age…but that does not make it so. Once groomed to be a sex slave, it continues until something happens to break the cycle. That something can come from within the child/now adult…or it can come from without. The parent might suddenly stop or someone else might find out and bring it to a halt. Any way you look at it…it is NOT consensual. It is merely the extension of a relationship that was based in rape and NOT consensual.

If a child is part of a ritual abuse family or group, going beyond 18 can be the norm. Or, even if it stops as a teen, it can be resumed later on as an adult. The child is groomed from an incredibly young age…oftentimes starting in infancy. It is not difficult for the parent (or other adult) to trigger the mental conditioning aka programming to get the person back under their control…and yes…even to the point of having sex with them.

I wish people would stop believing that people just cannot do these kinds of things. They can…and they do! It is time to bring this stuff out of the shadows and stop judging those who are brave enough to bring it into the light.

Go, MacKenzie! Go, Angela!

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