Posts Tagged ‘barbed wire’

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Rough Days

April 26, 2010

The last few days have been rough. Stuff is happening in life that make things harder. We came home to find a barbed wire fence across our driveway. While it is on the border of the two properties, we share an easement. So, now we have to use a second driveway that is on our land that we have not finished. It is very rough, but we can get in and out. Delivery people can’t…but we can.

It is just one of a few things that have made the last few days difficult. I feel very vulnerable. We have been good neighbors…yet, we have had a “feeling” about this guy ever since we first met him when he bought the property next door.

The fence…barbed wire. I think one of the problems is the barbed wire. It feels so barbaric. I think of the Constantine wire they used on the fence top of the freemason camp not too far from where we last lived…the camp that Matty remembers from when we were in our teens.

The fence…blocking our easy ingress and egress…feeling violated. Sharing in good faith…allowing him to use our creek crossing to get to his separate meadow. Him walking our land and putting in stakes without permission and without us saying anything to him. I feel violated.

He lies. I HATE lies!!!! Says he had a survey done…but there is none registered with the county. It could be he did not register…however, he also could not show the paperwork to the sheriff. He showed a plat map to the fencer implying it was the needed paperwork. It is not. The fencer is now backing off after we showed him that it was just a plat map. The plat map shows the easement.

Angry words…on both sides. Incredulity on ours. Jive on his. Lies and false accusations to try to justify his actions. But they don’t…justify his actions. He just looks petty. We are talking about a tiny corner of his land…a tiny corner…barely big enough to hold our van. The rest of the driveway is on our land.

Stupidity…because of the easement, he could actually insist on having free use of our creek crossing. Now he has no access because he put a fence up. That is OK. We actually like the fence and he is paying for it. But we want it on the right line. He is paying big bucks to get a crossing put in. Good!

The fence…separation. Sometimes separation is a GOOD thing…like now.

Words…our place is an eyesore. We supposedly have money to fix it up. Yeah, right. That is why my guys are working on the driveway and crossing with shovels and 5 gallon buckets rather than renting a loader to move the rock and gravel. My guy has been unemployed. Neighbor thinks we should sell motorcycles to get money. Yeah right. Mine has not run since before we moved onto the land and hubby’s needs a tire we cannot afford. It is not like he has seen us out riding them around.

Attempted justification…just like the abusers. Always “good” reasons for what they do. Liars! It is all about control and manipulation.

This guy and his wife are lost people. We have the Creator to turn to. Our heavenly Abba comforts us. Who do they have? We pray for them.

Ugly fence…barbed fence…a reminder of how lost they are. A reminder to pray for them and show love to them anyway. If it is legal…I will hang pretty ribbons on fence “to keep our chickens on our side”…but really…to make a thing of beauty out of a thing of ugliness. I will make it beautiful. When I have money…I will plant pretty shrubbery on the fence line. Or flowers.

Ugliness…to beauty. Ugly fence to beautiful fence. Ugly attitude on one side of fence…beautiful attitude on this side…as best we can.

He is hurting himself more than he is hurting us. We have the L-rd to turn to. We have an inner joy that he cannot steal.

The days have been rough. It has felt like darkness closing in as I have been overwhelmed. It amazes me how it can overtake me. PTSD has been triggered. After we came home to the fence I found I could not type…constant mistakes. An my words…they kept getting mixed up…both in typing and verbally. Very triggered.

Then came the darkness closing in…between that and all the other things going on in life. Deep inner sense of spiritual peace…but emotional darkness. It seems like a contradiction…a paradox. Yet it is there. I know who I am. I know in Whom I trust. Yet…emotionally I can be falling into a dark hole. The way it overtakes makes me wonder if it is something that is being triggered…like a program…rather than merely the emotional fallout of recent events. I don’t know. I am just here for the ride…and hanging on.

This year the anniversary of my sister’s death actually effected me less. She died on my birthday. I still have my moments of grief. This year was better…or perhaps I was too distracted by neighbor’s meanness? Or maybe it was both. I don’t know.

So, here I am. I am going to have to stop writing and go to bed. Our living situation pretty much forces me to follow someone else’s sleep schedule. It is really wearing me out. It is no one’s fault…but I feel captive to someone else’s way of living. We do try to compromise…he tries very hard. But when you have one little living space shared by all…well…he needs more sleep than I do. There is no other room to go into. So…I try not to go completely insane in the process. I keep trusting and hoping that we will get out of this soon. It has been over 4 years.

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