Posts Tagged ‘being ignored’

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I Had a Dream

January 5, 2012

Wow. This was originally written on May 4, 2010. Instead of posting it, I turned it into a draft. I am not sure why I did not put it out there back then. Could it be that I felt it made me feel too vulnerable? Perhaps. I think I have moved beyond these feelings now, but I am going to share this dream anyway. I am sure others may relate and these feelings may just come back.

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I had a dream last night. I was actively interacting with other people. We were outside…a parking lot? Whatever it was…it was paved. Whatever we were doing…it was no big deal. I mean…it is not like it was some kind of hard work. It was something social…but I am just not sure what it was specifically.

I was fighting to keep going…to keep participating. I felt so weary inside…so stretched. I just wanted to lie down…to stop being needed…just for a bit. I wanted…I needed…to be ministered to by others. I needed others to just know what I was going through and be there for me.

I finally allowed myself to start sliding to ground. On the way down, I heard it all over again. You will scare people. They won’t understand. They will just think you are being overly dramatic. Still…I decided to dare to take a chance.

So, I allowed myself to hit the ground…all the while feeling “guilty” about showing my own need. I just had to see what would happen if I shared my exhaustion…my pain…my struggle.

What happened? Nothing. I was completely ignored.

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