Posts Tagged ‘choices’

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Annoyed…and Growth

May 9, 2009

OK…call it a pet peeve…call it being overly touchy…call it whatever you want…but I am annoyed.

I have been following the blog tour being made by Dr. Margaret Jones. No, I am NOT annoyed at her. I like her and really appreciate what she has to say. I am annoyed at one of the bloggers whose blog she has stopped at. Why, you might ask? (Or maybe you won’t…but I am going to tell you anyway.)

I made a comment on the blog post that Dr. Jones was writing and responding on. So far…so good. The blogger responded…fine. I responded to her response. (Don’t know why it cut off the first letter of her name in my response, but then…maybe it was just my typo…wierd.)

Here is where it gets annoying. In my response, I mentioned being an RA survivor. She responds…asking what RA means. That is fine. However, I did not get back to her blog for awhile and then she shut off the commenting.Why did she ask if she did not really want to know the answer? Did she want it and then changed her mind? Was she just being rude? I don’t know.

A HUGE part of being abused is having no voice. It is not being allowed to speak (or write). It is knowing that what you think and feel is not cared about by someone else. I feel like I got cut off…shut out. I was asked a question…and then basically not allowed to answer. I find it ironic that she seems to be hypersensitive to abuse in churches and religions and church groups, etc., yet is not sensitive to how her own action can come across to an abuse survivor…how her own action can seem, on some level, abusive!

She likes to name names. I am not going to do that. I see no point in it. It is MY peeve…not hers. She is probably oblivious to what she has done. In fact, I would pretty much be willing to bet on it. So, this is not really about her. It is about me…about how I am responding. I feel a bit silenced…and miffed, but I don’t think it is worth my time to bother her with it, to be quite frank.

Well, maybe I am just afraid that she won’t care…or that she will think I am being silly. I admit those are possibilities, while also admitting that it really should not make any difference. What she thinks…what she acknowledges…really is none of my business…isn’t it?I have worked very hard to make what others think about me none of my business. I have worked very hard at not letting myself be effected by what others do, whether intentional or not…so why am I miffed?

I have been dealing with so much other stuff that I have to choose my battles wisely. I just need to deal with my own feelings and let it go. At least I am not obsessing about it. There was a time in my life when I would have. I would also probably have had to make sure I emailed her or something about it. I actually started this blog post on the 5th and just now finally got back to it. Nope, not obsessing. Hey…that’s growth! Yay!

I am grateful for my life and for my growth. Although I am NOT grateful for Mother’s Day!!

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Choices in Each New Day

January 9, 2009

I am sitting here to write, not sure what I really want to say. Every day is new…every day is different. Yet, there is a thread that runs through them all. I have choices to make…choices for good things…choices for bad things. It is up to me.

Now, on the surface, that would seem like a no brainer. Duh! Make choices for good things! Doesn’t everyone want good things? Well…maybe. The thing is…how do we know what is really good? There are a lot of things out there that sure look pretty good! The question is…are they really good?

I am in the process of writing a response to a friend. She had written, sharing about some of the horrible things she has been subjected to. As I look at it, I can see that ones who did those things to her thought that it was good…for them! But what about her? What about others? What about those times when something we want…something we think is good for us…is bad for someone else?

That is part of the problem with each person deciding for him or herself what is good…what is right…what is true. Truth cannot be relative. Right and wrong cannot be relative. Something is either true…or it is not. It is either right…or it is not. It is either wrong…or it is not.

I love it when someone tells me that we each have to decide what is right…what is acceptable…what is moral. Well, what if I decide to take a gun out and shoot you? What if I have decided that in my value system…in my arena of what is right and wrong…that it is right (better yet…that it is actually GOOD) if I get rid of you? Hmmm…all of a sudden my having the freedom to decide for myself what is true and what is right is no longer quite so appealing…is it?

Someone has to have the ability to definitively define truth…to define right and wrong. Who should it be? Well, to me THAT is the no brainer! It should be the One who made the whole universe and everything in it. Duh! Only the One who made it all…who made US all…really has that right!

I know…some will say there is no Creator. Well, I won’t argue that one. Anyone who is really seeking the truth on that will see that it is obvious that there is a Creator. There are too many things that have irreducible complexity for us to have evolved.In fact, when they measure probabilities, the number given for the probability of our evolving is so high that it is accepted as being impossible. There is so much evidence for complexity out there that I am not going to argue it here. Any one with open eyes and no agenda can see it.

Of course, there are those who refuse to accept that…or to at least admit that. Why? Because they want to be a god unto themselves. They do not want to answer to anyone but themselves. A Creator? No way!

I have to ask Yahweh for wisdom to make the right choices. My first line of wisdom comes from studying His book to me…the Bible. My second line of wisdom comes from asking Him for wisdom.

Right now…I am very tired. So, I am going to sign off here for the night and, wisely, make the choice to get some rest!

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Being Thankful – It’s a Choice

November 27, 2008

I am thankful for many things. I have a warm place to live. I have my family. I have true friends. Most importantly, I have Yahweh God. I simply could not do life without Him. It is that plain and it is that simple.

I have a purpose. It is to love Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength and to serve Him to the best of my ability according to the giftedness He has given me.

I have experienced much pain in this life. I have experienced deep losses. I can choose to focus on those things. Or, I can choose to focus on the good things in my life. It is my choice. I will always find negative things about life if I look for them. In the same way, I can always find positive things…if I look for them.

There may be days when my struggles cause me to have to look really hard for things to be grateful for, but I can still choose to look for them and to focus on them.

It is a choice I have to make.

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Choices to Make

February 17, 2008

I have found in the years of my life that healing largely consists of choices.

I had to choose to seek the truth about who I am and what my purpose is.

I had to choose to seek out my history.

I had to choose to accept the truth…to embrace it.

I had to choose to embrace the pain that comes with it and to work my way through it.

I had to choose to not run away from what is revealed and from the pain it brings.

I have found my main healing has come through my relationship with my God, the One who created the universe and all that is in it. As I have drawn closer to Him, He has led me along an incredible healing journey, some of which I hope to share here. He has led me to people who have helped me tremendously. He has brought healing through many different ways and people all throughout my life. What an awesome ride it has been. I look forward to seeing what remains of it.

I am still partially amnesic and the secrets of my past are still being revealed to me, bit by bit. These secrets are not pleasant ones, but they are part of my story.

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