Posts Tagged ‘friends’

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Did I Mention?

June 29, 2009

Did I mention in my last post that I am swamped???? Sheesh! It is all good stuff…but it feels so overwhelming. Of course, one of the reasons I am feeling overwhelmed is because it is very difficult to do much of anything in my current living situation.

Then again, what is adding to my being swamped is that I am working on a special project that will totally change my living situation! *big smiles* It is a chicken and the egg kind of thing. The project would be a lot easier to work on if my situation was different. But if my situation was different, I would not need to do the project. *sigh*

Nevertheless, I am doing well. I am saddened about some things I have read recently…things that have to do with a therapist who is unscrupulous. It is validating to read what others are starting to share about what they saw going on…even if they don’t mention me. Just to read that others saw wrong behaviours and unethical conduct. Phew! That is VALIDATING!!

Someday, I really hope the person who lied behind my back and impersonated me will do the right thing and step forward to clear my name. But I am not holding my breath. I know that person is, herself, a very sick individual. A lot of cult survivors are…particularly if they are still being accessed. They can have insiders doing things they are unaware of.

Hmmm…very interesting. That is the very argument that was used against me. Thing is…I was not losing time, while this person openly admitted to losing time. The other thing is that I look at her with sympathy and caring. Whilst she and the others just attacked me. I try to understand. She (and others) just tried to destroy my reputation and friendships. What is even worse, she did things that almost literally destroyed some of my friends…things that I was blamed for.

Thankfully, most of them know now that it was not me.  Still…it would be really nice to have my name cleared…especially  in light of the fact that there are still some who think I am the guilty party.

In spite of all that, I still refuse to hate. I still refuse to get down about it. Sad sometimes…yeah…but down and depressed…no. Those who still believe I did it…well, they have the right to choose to continue to believe that. I have searched high and low and so did my therapist at the time. We saw no indicators and neither did my husband. No phone calls on the phone bill…and calls overseas would have really jacked up my phone bill back then. No IM records…even though I had all my IM’s recorded. No emails.

Yeah…I do still think about it every once in a while…especially when something is written and pointed out to me that deals with the whole subject or the people involved. *smile* Mostly, though, I have moved on with my life. Something that, sadly, not everyone involved has really been able to do. See, I had my reputation and friendships hurt…but I, myself, was not hurt. Some of the, on the other hand, were truly harmed. That saddens me every time I think of it…and I do sometimes think of it. These were my friends. I don’t just forget my friends…even if there is a separation between us now.

Well…did I mention that I am swamped???? Still, I am glad that I took this few minutes to write something here. It is kind of like waving at all my friends out there who do come by to read this. I wish you all well.

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On Being a Friend

November 7, 2008

I used to think that friendships meant unconditional love and acceptance. And maybe they should mean that…in an ideal world and an ideal situation. The reality is that we are all different and, being imperfect humans, do allow things to effect us and how we relate to others.

Over the years, I learned that friendships can wane and grow in strength. Our availability to one another can change. Our outlooks on life can change. There can be physical distance that comes between us. All kinds of things can impact friendships.

The kinds of friendships I most value are the ones where I don’t feel like I have to hide. Those can also be some of the hardest, too. When I am around people who are real and who I know are safe…well, when I AM trying to hide, it is hard. They really care and I can find it difficult to not allow my heart to show.

You may wonder why I would want to hide my heart from such friends. Well, it is not so much that I want to hide, but sometimes I may be around someone else that I feel I must hide from. So, I become torn when in the presence of someone I feel kinship with while also in the presence of someone that I am not as close to.

Sometimes, too, I just don’t want them to be concerned about me at that moment in time. Maybe they have enough challenges of their own going on. I want to be supportive rather than supported. I want to give and build up rather than drain.

I have had friends come and go, for a variety of reasons. They have all been gifts for a time. Some of them are still gifts, while some are just temporarily “in the next room”.

How wonderful it is to meet someone and feel a sense of instant kinship…a sense of closeness as if I had known the person for a long time. How wonderful it also is to be able to reconnect with a friend and find that it truly is as if they had only been in the next room for awhile. We come together again and it feels as if we never parted. We settle into a comfortable routine of give and take together as if slipping our feet into a comfortable pair of shoes.

Friends…true friends…are a very special gift indeed! It is a beautiful thing to have those with whom I can truly trust my heart.

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