More Survivorship Webinars – Randy Noblitt and Jeannie Riseman

I forgot that I had this post buried in my draft pile. So…here it is…albeit it a bit late.

I attended two more Survivorship webinars. Both were excellent.

Randy Noblitt, PhD was the presenter of a webinar on “Empowerment and Managing the Effects of Programming”. He explained about programming

Jeannie Riseman gave a presentation on “Normal Guilt, Guilt Induced by Extreme Abuse, and Some Suggestions for Working with Guilt.”

Both presenters did a good job. I learned new things and had other familiar things reinforced. One thing I like about the webinars is that they help me to see what I have learned in addition to teaching me new things. I get to hear about others’ experiences and get information from those who have been studying what happens to survivors. Part of what that does is reinforce good and correct messages while exposing incorrect and negative messages.

Healing is a process. There is always more to learn along the way. I hope I always keep learning new things and forward in my healing and growth. These webinars definitely help me to do that. Even when I go in thinking I am already pretty familiar with a topic, I find that I learn something new. So far, the presenters have been interesting, prepared and familiar with their subject. I am grateful to them.

For information about future webinars go to Survivorship webinars.

Tough Time of Year and Survivor Guilt

This is always a tough time of year. Knowing what I do about what goes on around this time of year…well, it is really hard to just skate through it. In some ways, I am effected less. In other ways, more.

I was doing pretty well…or so I thought. I don’t know if it just crept up on me…or if the rest of life just combined with it to kind of push me over the edge a bit. I find that I have been battling some depression lately…and I am teary. There are things in my life that could certainly cause that…aside from being a ritual abuse survivor. However, I really cannot assume that the RA stuff does not also impact me.

I find it interesting that I feel almost guilty when I feel OK during this time of year…when I am able to push aside my survivor issues and just enjoy life. It almost feels as if I am betraying the ones who will die this year…the ones who will be abused and tortured…the ones who will be filmed and sold. They deserve to be remembered…to be prayed for. So…when I feel better…I almost feel as if that is a betrayal of them.

Yet…could it not actually be an honoring of them…in the sense that at least one of us got out and conquered. Well, not conquered exactly…but was able to find joy and at least be able to somewhat function? I don’t know. These are just the things I am thinking of…the things I am feeling.

I love this season…but hate this time of year. I love the colors and smells, but hate what is going on in hidden places where people do not want to see.

Survivor guilt. Why should I make it out? Why should I be able to enjoy life? Yet…it is in the enjoyment of life…in spite of my history…that, perhaps, my truest victory lies. I win when I can enjoy any aspect of life…any at all. I win when I can enjoy my freedom…instead of being bound to them…instead of being their slave. I win! So, why can’t I just enjoy the winning? Because I know others are still suffering.

Many who have broken free from the cult groups still suffer in body and soul. Many have not broken free and they definitely still suffer. My own sister never really made it out. Do I celebrate life in her honor? Yes. Still…I cannot help but feel some guilt. At least…I think it is called guilt. I just know I struggle with having too much knowledge. Ignorance, though, is not safe. *sigh*